Fear's Union

Chapter Forty-Nine

—Xen—

Xen was alone again. It was strange, being without Anejo. They had been in each other's arms ever since the fight, solemn sisters united by grief. Now Anejo was beyond her grasp, at least for a while. What strange people the Mandari were.

"What are you thinking?" Actually, she wasn't completely alone. Keles lay beside her.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Do not pretend to understand me. You are not completely forgiven."

"Sorry." An arm emerged and draped itself loosely across her belly, stroking her skin with delicacy. Her body fizzed, and she smiled. But it wasn't her greatest smile. She was still polluted by her recent ordeal. She couldn't get it out of her head.

She spun herself over, trapping his arm beneath her body, and his easy strength pulled her onto his chest. His eyes were penetrating. She had to break that bond, even though it was fresh forged. She needed to understand him.

"How can you do it?"

He scrunched up his face, and the smile faded. "Do what?"

It was ridiculous, but she had never confronted him on this before. Perhaps she had grown. "The killing." A tear splashed onto Keles's bristly cheek. "The memory of it burns my soul."

It was about time she cried. She had been so strong for Anejo.

"It is battle, only that. It is necessary."

"That may be as well, but each of those victims had a face. They all had a history. They were accumulated lives."

He was cracking under the strain. "They were not victims. We are not murderers."

"But we are! Life is the preserve of the gods. What right were we granted to sever those lines with such clinical indifference? They were not just problems to solve. They were people."

He gulped, his apple bobbing up and down. "You must not think of it like that."

"But I can't do otherwise! Each murderous blow was not a single act of requirement. A life was ended, and a path of fate cut short. That burden must live with me forever."

"They were soldiers―"

"And we cannot hide behind a shroud of independence either. Each of those men were fathers, sons, brothers, lovers. What if it was me? Would my death be an act of necessity? Or would your heart be broken just a little bit?"

In some ways, she hoped he didn't answer. But this was a new Keles, a man she didn't yet fully comprehend. The silence stretched, just like the smile on his face.

"I would never let that happen."

Evasive, but still comforting. She slipped into the crook of his outstretched arm. "What next?" This was dangerous territory.

But he smiled harder still. "We will be together." He squeezed her shoulder, stroking confidence into her. "And I am confident that the shadow of secrecy will clear."

"What?"

"Honestly. I cannot yet tell you how, but we can be together in the open as a.... As a normal couple. We can be one." There was a pause in there which was telling, but she didn't know why.

"How?"

"I cannot say, I truly can't. Not yet anyway." His grin broadened so far that it almost fell off the edge of his face. This was not her Keles, but she liked him a lot.