Fear's Union

Chapter Twenty-Five

—Xen—

Xen's skin crawled and her conscience ached. His life had been in her hands, but all she was left with was a grubby letter. She smoothed her uniform, unfolded the letter once more, and read it.

Anejo,

I will keep this short. I have little to say, but I am desperate to say it. I hope you find the words of use. Then at least my life would have some purpose. Here I go.

Firstly, I would like to say thank you. You were kind to me, and that in itself makes you unique. I am grateful. And yet even you cannot have enough kindness to stem my rot. I must go because it is the right thing to do. That is all.

I have blood on my hands, blood that would mark me for death anyway. I am the killer of the patrons at my orphanage, but do not feel sad for them. They were monsters. Just ask the survivors who have suffered at their hands.

But I have other secrets too, secrets that I fear to reveal. On these, I will stay silent and let them drift into oblivion. The world will be better for this fact, of that I am sure.

But what justification do I have to lay down my turmoil when compared to your own trauma? I dearly hope this letter finds you before... I daren't say it. I can't even bring myself to write it down. I am sorry, sorry that I could not expand on the details of that night. I did everything I could, as pitiful as that sounds, but if you hold this truth in your heart then it will be a relief. Since I won't see you before you read this, I will have to go not knowing. Hoping. But that is fine. Hope is all I've ever really had.

I have gone to Widow's Edge. There I will jump, and it will be a pleasure. My end is the only end. I have achieved all I can, not much admittedly, but all I can. For that at least I can take some pride.

Good-bye.

Aran

She shuddered. It was bad enough reading the thing, but now she had to deliver this letter to her friend. As if Anejo hadn't been through enough already.

Aran hadn't mentioned her in the letter. He'd mentioned Anejo's warmness but not hers. Was this intended? Yes, it was achingly clear. She had not been kind to Aran. She was just like everyone else.

She looked at the tumble of loose boulders before her. It was a simple memorial for a simple young man. From the heart of the mound stood a small wooden branch, and on a particularly smooth stone were chiselled two poignant words. They words were there to deter any others in pursuit of the same path. They read: 'Someone cares.'

She tipped her head and sniffed. She had been crying for many reasons.

"There's nothing you could have done. This was his choice."

But that just wasn't true. She could have taken Anejo's lead and been friendly to Aran. At the very least she could have supported him. He'd always been vulnerable. It was another example of Keles's absence and disconnect. He thought like a Mandahoi on every level. She looked at him, and sighed. At the moment she hated him, but despite this she would love him forever. That could tear her to pieces.

"What do you know?" She spat the words, slapping him. That was not necessary, and she quickly stepped back. "I need you here."

"I have to go."

"Why? That man is the reason that Anejo faced the death penalty. He is probably also the reason Aran has jumped. Saphos was not his proving ground. The man ignites death and destruction wherever he goes, so why would you follow? Why?"

Silence. He didn't have an answer except the bland one he'd already wheeled out regularly. It was unlikely he'd have come up with anything else.

"He can teach me what others can't." Nothing new there.

"Teach you what? How to get all those around you killed? Do you not wonder why none of his previous students still live?"

Silence again. Something was dragging him along, and he had no way to resist it. He had no way to see reason. It was like she didn't even know him anymore.

Well, sod him. He may not need her, but Anejo did. She would go to the ends of the world for her friend.

"Come on."

"I am not yours to command. I will leave when I want to." Why was Keles here anyway? Was he trying to compound her misery?

"I am not commanding you. I am advising you as a friend."

Friend. What a weightless word that now was. His shoulders were slumped, eyelids heavy, every part of him defensive. Just a shell of his former self. She looked at him, and the breath caught in her throat. She still loved him beyond reason.

"I am only leaving because I need rest. I am travelling early tomorrow."

He shrugged, but there was a hint of pleasure on his face. Her heart jumped into her mouth. Would he always have this power over her?

"I am departing too. Perhaps we can travel together."

Was that his way of instigating reconciliation? No! Anejo was her only concern. Nothing else mattered. Keles was abandoning her, chasing the wisps of that legendary rootman. Could he not see the folly? She would have to teach herself to forget him. It would be tough, but she would have to do it, for her sanity if nothing else.

The sky was blood red, and that was strangely symbolic. Death was everywhere these days. The lake called Ultemerh was mirror flat, but clouds were heaping on the horizon. A storm was coming. The wind whipped momentarily and Keles put an arm around her when she shivered. His breath feathered her ear and she shuddered, but reason caught her. This man – her man – was leaving her. Was there any joy left in the world?

"Please Keles, do not touch me. You have no right now."

He stepped away, his shoulders trembling. Perhaps this was hard for him after all? Oh well. It was his making. She took up the note and read it once more. It struck her that the words were of remarkable form, especially for an orphan. Where did he learn to write like that?

She turned and left Widow's Edge, Keles following behind. She had never been lonely around this man before, but there was a chasm between them now. She craved her friend and she craved comfort of some kind, so she would seek it out. But Keles had left her, and she feared that both may evade her for the rest of her life.