"Cara! Don't think for a second i didn't see you sneak past me!" Yelled the head of medication, Pamela a 30 something women who had a kind heart but was big on tough love. She had a soft spot for me because she previously worked in the ward i stayed in. But no matter how close we were she still would make me take my meds.
I let out a slight groan switching direction and got in line behind Yas picking at my long nails. My leather skater skirt swayed above the knee and my grey shirt tucked in at the waist. I impatiently tucked in some areas of my shirt that had been misplaced.
"Cara you must be idiotic thinking you could sneak past Pam, she has eyes not only in the back of her head but all over her body" Yas joked looking at me over her shades she had on.
"Yas you must be idiotic thinking that Pam won't notice how stoned you are" I reply imitating her tone. We both look at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. As we finally reached Pam she handed Yas her iron tablets and all of the other pills, after being sure Yas hadn't hidden any tablets under her tongue she hurried Yas away and smiled as she saw me.
"Care you know you need to take your pill" Pam said smiling sadly as she handed me a small pill. I looked at the blue tablet in confusion. I raised my eyebrows and Pam sighed. "Alex is changing your prescription to something a bit more.. soothing" she said.
"Meaning this will make me more numb then usual" i say harshly taking the tablet dry, feeling the edges hit the back of my throat and slide down my insides. I opened my mouth for a few seconds before walking away and grabbing my usual tub of yogurt, granola and fruit pieces and a bottle of water. Sometimes i felt like Hudson was exactly like the ward, they say they are trying to make you better but in reality they are drugging you up.
I quickly find Yas and we head to our morning classes with Danny, many people nod their head in respect at Yas. Danny and I were like her partner and bodyguard, we moved with her insync. It wasn't unusual for us three to had by ourselves i got along with Danny and he with me and Yas we both loved.
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Crossing the campus i split up with Yas and went to my health class. I watched Yas and Danny from afar envying their relationship, he held onto her like she was life and he was drowning. Turning away a sudden breeze made my long hair wisp into my face and i saw other students warm up their hands or rub their skin but i felt nothing. Nothhing...nooth...numb.
I couldn't feel anything at all, i touched my skin but it felt like nothing. Normally the numbness was only in my mind and i'd be neutral towards people until the medication wore off. But today the dose was higher. I look at my hands then up and i realize my legs had sub-consciously carried me to my morning class block. My friend Tim saw me and waved from inside the doors. I try to muster up a smile but i don't know if i did return the friendliness, because i only felt numb. Then it got worse.
It felt like i had been dropped into a pool of ice. My limbs felt like jello and my mind was drowning, in ice. Turning away from Tim i run away, sprinting, shoving past people who yelled after me. But i felt nothing. It was as if my mind was shutting down and a numbness spread through my body like a cool fire.
Somehow i ended up at the entrance of my hidden path. I wiped my face and looked at my hands, they were glimmering, they were wet.. from my tears. Tears that i didn't feel run down my cheeks or burn my eyes. Leaping through the prickly bush i ran until i bent over and threw up. And i kept throwing up. The woods were silent now and looked dangerous but the only thing i could think was numb. Wiping my mouth i layed on my side on the ground. I don't know how long i layed there until i heard a voice.
"Hey are you okay?" a male asked. I screeched and scurried off a bit turning to the stranger who looked down at me with curiosity in his eyes.
Calmness overtook my senses finally and i Lent against a nearby tree.
"Your Yas's friend right?" The boy asked as he crept towards me slowly.
"Ye..yes i am, how did you know.. who are you?" I asked trying to keep the bile down.
"Everyone knows Yas and when my friend Brayden was stealing merch she set you on him like you were some guard dog she kept in a cage. You broke his nose and cracked a few of his ribs by the way" the boy said giving me a half smile, lowering himself he sat across from me.
"And my names Leon" he said offering his hand, i took it and shook but as soon as i felt nothing i turned my head and threw up. I saw his body stiffen in shock.
"They made my dosage higher i.." i started but i couldn't get the words out.
Leon looked at me before slowly pulling the water bottle out of my bag. He handed it to me and i took some sips and swallowed.
"I was originally on Govalong which wore off by 3pm but i think they knew it only made me feel calm and i.. i don't know this morning Pam gave me a small blue tablet, it took about 30 minutes to kick in.. but i don't feel anything" i whimper looking into Leons bright blue eyes. Only then did i notice how attractive this stranger was. He had chestnut brown hair and amazing blue eyes. He was as tan as me and had a strong jaw and cheekbones. If i didn't feel so calm i would've been embarrassed for him to see me like this.
"Fuck" Leon muttered scratching the back of his neck, i look at him in confusion and he catches me looking and his eyes soften. "They've put you on Zoxiv, its the highest medication they can give out..it's also illegal, i'm surprised your not passed out in a pool of vomit" he admitted. Illegal..
ILLEGAL!
"Why is it illegal"i whisper wrapping my arms around myself, not feeling. What can the side effects cause, can i die... nummmb.
"It's illegal because it fucks up your nervous and immune system. It cuts off your thoughts and sensory organs. You can only see but that is all. I knew someone who was on it and they killed themselves because they felt like an empty shell, they felt numb" Leon said quietly looking away as if he was remembering someone.
"But i can think.. i can feel slight emotions.." i say, my tone of voice coming out emotionless like a robot. Shell// empty void//.
Leons eyes flashed a dark blue before his eyes catch onto my skin and he becomes statue like. His hand points at something on my chest.
"What's that" He asks voice shaking.
Before looking down i knew what it was, he was pointing at my birthmark.
"Its a birthmark" I say neutrally. Why did he care? All of a sudden he stood up and bent down hooking his arms under my knees and throwing my hand around his neck so he's carrying me.
"Come on its getting dark" Leon said.. but it wasn't getting dark, no it was getting light. Without arguing i grabbed my backpack and let him carry me out of my place..
But in the back of my mind all i could think was:
numbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumbnumb
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