I used to be scared of the dark
Every night before I went to sleep I would plug a night light in
It's rays would shine across my room like the way the sun shines over the horizon
This light would make me feel safe
I would close my eyes tightly and try to sleep for a while hoping that my little night light would scare the big mean monsters away
As I grew up I realized the monsters didn't live in my room in the dark
They lived in every man walking down the street staring at me like I was their last meal
They lived in the bad things that crushed my spirit like it was no more than an ant
They lived in my loneliness
My loneliness changed something for me.
When you sit there, realizing that you don't have anyone anymore it feels like a dagger being drove through your skull over and over again
You started to feel that pain every day
Then when you go home and try to sleep
You don't bother turning a night light on because you don't care if the monsters get you anymore
You start doing this every night and you get used to the dark
It becomes a calming consistency in your life of chaos
Then one night a monster climbs into bed with you
You start to feel the dark surround you
It's too much
You don't want the dark anymore
You want the light
The light can't help you now
I am paralyzed by this darkness surrounding me
I feel like I am being swallowed and am going to disappear
God I wish I could disappear!
I feel the monster squeezing me
So tight I can't breathe
So tight I can't think
So tight I can't move
The monster is killing me
But then
For a split second I realize
I am the monster
And I'm not scared of the dark anymore
