soft sounds from someone

after

part two; 6/7/17

the sense of new hasn't quite left you; it's glare is still standing but less vivid than before.

all i can think is how none of this feels real.
i know things have changed yet i'm very much so still believing that i'm going to awake from what seems like a dream.

i'm coming to slowly accept that this isn't something i can change; i won't be able to step back in time where during events you felt present and people seemed to actually give a genuine damn about you.

some days there's nothing more than that want aching in my stomach begging for the so called 'good days' that i know in the back of my head have become romanticized dwellings as time has gone; yet there's others where i'm numb to just about every thought and can barely see a point in going forward.

i know this can't be the healthy way of living, but it's how i currently cope with the gray drizzle of nerves as they become one with the black clouds of a loss of purpose and together make the storm i call anxiety and depression.

i will say this; things have improved for me.

before that drizzle was on the verge of becoming a hurricane as it attached to those clouds; now that status has been lost and i'm glad to see that change.

i'm no means clear of this storm; but it is losing its power and that's a victory i'm happy with accepting.