Just in Case

Awkward First Dates

Our first date together was an absolute disaster. The fault was neither his nor mine, but somewhere along the way I realized that any forgone expectations I had were completely trashed by the reality of our outing. To be honest I'm not really sure what I expected. In the movies, the guy greets the girl at the door with flowers, she's wearing a cute dress, he looks completely awed at her beauty and in turn mutters and stutters like a blithering idiot which causes her to smile and look more beautiful. We already know that's not how our date started. I wasn't angry at having to pick him up, nor was I angry at our stolen moment by the lake. Those things were beautiful in their own way, but my level of awkwardness only increased once we finally made our way to my car. I was painfully aware of just how small the inside space of of my Saturn truly was with Justin's frame filling every ounce of it. His smell assaulted my nose, and all I could think about was how close our shoulders were. My gear shift sat in between us at the base of my console and my hand would brush his each time I reached down to shift from reverse to drive. It didn't seem to matter, either, that he had moved the seat all the way back, his knees still grazed the dash board and his head practically brushed the roof of the car. Having him so near to me twisted my insides into knots and distracted me so badly that I'd nearly run off the edge of his driveway while backing out. I won't mention that his drive way is a straight shot from his house to the street. Also, because I was so nervous, my driving skills were terrible. My steering was jerky and I would either stop too suddenly from mashing the brake unnecessarily hard, or I would take of with a sudden jerk that would cause both of our heads to hit the headrest. It was ridiculous. Justin didn't seem to mind though. He rode with one arm propped against the window and the other against the console, putting his shoulder right against mine as I drove. It was maddening. I'd opened my sunroof as we left his house to allow the crisp air to fill the interior of the car. The breeze blew my hair around and I knew it made me look like a total troll, but there was something freeing about having nothing but the night sky above you and endless road in front of you. I wanted that sense of freedom. The escape from myself that I so desperately needed. We didn't talk much in the car either, and I wasn't sure if it was awkward or not. Again, Justin didn't seem to mind the silence. He just sat, watching the road, like me. Maybe he needed freedom, too. I smiled a little to myself thinking that we were both just as desperate for an escape as the other. I'd chosen one of  The Used CDs that I had. They were more of a pop/punk group than hardcore screamo and I wanted the mood to be perfect. Justin bobbed his head as I jerkily navigated us around town. He'd asked to just drive for a while. He didn't give me an idea of where to go or what he wanted to do other than drive, so that's what I did. Cutting in and out of traffic I drove from one end of his town to the other end of mine, finally settling on a small park in the middle of both towns. It was old and run down in comparison to some of the parks that had been constructed around town. It was also known for a lot of gang activity, but there was something about it that was sentimental to me. The playground itself sat under large oak trees and had become rusted with age and debris. There was a swing set in the far corner, teeter-totters and a sand box in the middle, and to the far right a glider and a small half-court basketball court. There were balance beams, and metal bars all around too, for what I assumed could be used for exercise. Once Justin and I pulled up and park he turned to me with one eyebrow cocked,

"What is this place?" he asked looking back at the decrepit playground.

"A park." I answered and smirked at his face.

"Obviously." He pulled himself out of the car and I blew out a breath before climbing out myself. "I didn't know this place was here. I don't usually go on this side of town." he said as he walked around to the front of the car to meet me. I instantly felt stupid. I took a guy to a park on our first date. Literally a playground on a side of town he didn't even care about. I could have face palmed at my idiocy. I was wasting his time. I should have gone somewhere cooler like the Hard Rock, or Virgin records, or something where we could actually do something. Not stare at broken down playground equipment.  I started walking toward  the park and sat down on one of the wooden balance beams on the outskirts of the playground. The only thing that didn't look as if it would crumble under my weight. Justin sat next to me and rested his long arms atop his knees. I crossed my legs at the ankles. What did I say? Did I launch into a long story of what this place meant to me? Or did I jump up and start playing on the equipment the way they did in the movies? Would he push me while I swang on the swings? Catch me as I flew down the slide? Lean in for a kiss?