Just in Case

First Kisses and Flying Lessons

Kissing is a weird social practice, one that I'd been obsessed with for years. Sure I'd shared innocent lip locks with boys before. I mean, what sixteen year old hasn't? But I always felt like I'd never truly been kissed. I hadn't had that experience you see in movies or read in books where, when being kissed, one's skin ignites and you lose all sense of where you are and who you are. I never felt the need to pop my foot, go weak in the knees, or rip my clothes off when being kissed, and I wasn't sure if that was because I was doing it wrong or if I just had found the right person. Either way it was kissing that was on my mind as we drove around town. The roads were empty due to the late hour and with nothing but the lights from the dashboard illuminating the inside of the car, I felt as though Justin and I had been encased in our own secluded little world. I kept the music low as we rode around town. I took him to my middle school where I told him about my best friend at the time, Crystal (I guess I have a thing for friends with C names), who grew up in a pretty rough house and who was probably the most loyal friend I'd had growing up until I met Carly. I took him to my high school next where I told him about my freshman year and how I'd met Chel and Carly. Justin laughed at some of our funnier stories and nodded thoughtfully at the stories about our beach trips and the stories I sensationalized about us getting drunk on daiquiris and surfing until the sun went down. I think those stories specifically made me sound cool, and exciting in a way. I could picture myself the image that I crafted of Carly, Chel, and me lounging on the beach, dark tan skin glistening in the sun listening to rock on the stereo as we reclined on our surfboards. And most of that was true. The locals knew us and we had one specific restaurant that we always went to while we were there. But I didn't really know how to surf nor did I own a surfboard. I mentally kicked myself for fabricating stories, but I'd really wanted to impress Justin and I knew if he knew the truth about who I really was he would be unimpressed to say the least. Our date ended with us still sitting in my car in the middle of Justin's driveway. Since his house sat so far back off the road we were completely enshrouded in darkness. I had turned of my headlights as to avoid shining them into the front bedroom window which meant we didn't even have the dashboard lights anymore. The music was still low and I could hear him shifting in his seat to face me. My heart was pounding. I wasn't ready to leave yet but I knew I couldn't stay with him any later. My parents would have a fit if I did. I put my car in park but kept the music low like I had earlier. I wanted to be able to hear every word. Hear the roughness in his voice. The slight scratchiness that was seductive to me. I could listen to him talk all day. Or night as it were.
"I'm glad we went out." He said facing me. He had one hand on the console and the other propped on his leg.
"Me too." I sighed. "Sorry it wasn't more entertaining though." I cringed inwardly. We had spent the whole Saturday night talking about my childhood.
Justin laughed. A deep rich noise that rumbled in his chest and filled my car. I loved his laugh. "It was plenty entertaining." He said softly as he lifted his hand off the console and tucked my hair behind my hair. I'm sure it was a tangled mess, but he handled it delicately, as if he were stroking rose petals. "You're a good storyteller you know that?" Justin asked as his fingers slipped down a strand of my hair to twirl it at the end.
I snorted. "I get it from my dad I guess." A storyteller. Not grade A, quality girlfriend material if you asked me.
Justin smirked in the darkness, "Oh yeah?" His voice sounded husky, deeper than normal and it was doing things to my insides.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and nodded, "He tells some really good ones about his childhood, his time in Vietnam, all the odd jobs he's held." My voice trailed off. I wasn't sure when, but sometime in the midst of Justin playing with my hair, and me talking about my dad, of all things, we had moved closer to each other. Our faces were mere inches apart. He smelled spicy, like cloves and wind. I could now see his eyes and in the darkness they looked almost black. My breathing hitched and my stomach was quivering. This was it. My first true kiss, and I so desperately wanted it to be the kind I'd read about. Justin sucked his lip ring into his mouth and I could tell he was thinking about kissing me too. I'd read somewhere that when a guy was thinking about kissing you, they would either lick their lips, or bite them, or look at your mouth. Justin was doing two of three of these things and it set my pulse into overload. I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and proceeded to gnaw on it. I was anxious. I didn't know where I should put my hands, or if I was supposed to be the one to close the gap between us because I really, really wanted to.
"Don't do that." He whispered as he used his thumb to gently pry my lip from my teeth. I could hear his sudden intake of breath and I was about to ask why when his eyes met mine in a silent request. I stared back. Yes, I want this. In a swift exhale, from relief I would assume, he closed the space between us and his lips were on mine and I was flying. There was an explosion of color behind my eyelids as his mouth began to move against mine gently at first and then harder and faster as though he couldn't get enough of me. I was thrilled at the idea that he was just as hungry for this as I was. His tongue ran across the seam of my lips and I parted to let him in. He groaned slightly and I forgot to breathe. His hands cupped my face and angled it better to allow full access to my mouth. I acquiesced easily. I still had no idea where to put my hands and due to the console in between us I couldn't really move any closer to wrap my arms around his neck. I eventually placed my hands on top of his. I ached to be closer to him and as he continued to kiss me I felt dizzy. He tasted clean and wild and like cinnamon. His breath was hot on my face as he pulled away slightly to look in my eyes. I knew I must have looked dazed; my eyes glassy, my cheeks pink from the heat generated by the both of us and my lips swollen from the assault his mouth wrought on mine. He smiled slightly at me. Just a small quirking up of his lips and I was devastated. He was beautiful and open and real in that moment. I couldn't have asked for a better first kiss. In fact I wanted more. I leaned forward and crushed my mouth to his. I probably could have, should have, been more graceful or seductive in my methods but I didn't care. This time I made sure to place my hands on the back of his neck. I hated that his hair was gelled into a Mohawk. I wanted my fingers in it. I wanted to feel it's texture as I twirled it between my fingers as he had done mine earlier. By time we pulled apart we were both gasping for air. He stared at me and I stared back at him. We were suspended in time and neither of us wanted it to end. Justin cleared his throat as he began to speak but his voice was still gravely as the words came out, "text me when you get home, okay?"
I nodded. I didn't trust my voice not to betray the torrent of emotions running through me at this moment. He looked at me and ran his hand through my hair once more.
"Thank you for tonight." He said.
"You're welcome." I croaked.
"I want to do it again."
I smiled, "Who said I'd kiss you again?" I teased.
He smirked, "Not just the kissing, though that was great. I want to do all of it again." And then he frowned as if he remembered something. "With you. Soon."His eyes searched mine awaiting an answer. My mouth, which had been working so well just moments ago, failed me.
"Okay. Me too." I said. My voice sounded weird to my own ears, but that could have been the blood rushing around in my veins too. Justin nodded, smiled, and opened the car door. As he got out he leaned down and said to me, "drive safe." I waved at him out of the front windshield. As he started walking towards the house I put my car in reverse and began to slowly back out of his driveway. I couldn't see shit though because my windows were all fogged up and I began laughing hysterically. I, me, the nerdy girl, had fogged up car windows from a hot make out session with a hot guy who totally wanted to do it again. With me. The absurdity with which I found the entire situation spurred my hysterical laughter further and as I started on the road towards home I couldn't help but to open my sunroof, and blast my music as loud as I could stand it. This was what joy felt like. This is what elation felt like. This was happiness and I was finally feeling it for the first time. I was soaring and there was no way I was ever coming down.