The Deaf and The Rich

Chapter eleven...

I returned my phone to my dark jeans. Matthew placed a hand over mine as I layed it back onto his desk.

"You wanted to tell me something." He said, now rubbing soft circles onto the back of my hand.

I nodded. Moving my hands, I grabbed the paper and pen.

'What are your thoughts on self-harm?' I wrote, I slid it over to him.

"Well, if it's justified then I would want to help them." He spoke; I wish I could hear it. "Why, Joshua?"

I want to hear how he says my name...

Why am I broken so bad?

I grabbed the pad.

'Look away for a second.' I wrote, slowly.

He complied and spun his chair around.

I sighed.

1...2...3...4...5...

I counted.

I can do it, just trust in him and believe you will be okay... easier said than done.

I lifted the sleeves of my jacket slightly, the fabric brushing against some irritated cuts.

I keep pulling at the sleeves.

Eventually the cuffs are at my elbows, forearms fully on display for the first time in years.

My pale skin, marked with pink and white lines. Crisscrossing and staining my arms forever.

I sighed.

Poking Matthew's shoulder he turned back to me.

He looked over me and stopped at my arms, reaching a hand out he held onto my arm gently.

Running his thumb over a few of the scars, I wished for him to communicate with me.

Moving his hand away he stood up.

There was a sting in the back of my eyes, at the thought of him not accepting it.

Instead, to my surprise, he began to unbutton his shirt.

Pulling it off his shoulders, leaving him in a white tank, I saw just how many tattoos were hidden beneath. He placed his shirt onto the desk and stood in front of me.

I watched on as he moved his arms and showed the long, vertical lines running down his wrists, covered by tattoos. Almost invisible if you aren't looking for them, however I saw them so blatantly clear.

I reached a hand out and slid it over his fight arm. Tears built in my eyes as I saw him smiling at me.

"I get it Joshua, don't worry." He said, the tears spilled from my eyes as I held onto his arms which had wrapped themselves around me softly.

I am pulled closer and he rubs my back as I let of the tears, everything that had built up over the years was coming out in the most intimate way to me.

I want this man, he knows, he understands.

I want to understand him, I want to open up to him. If it's not him no one will hear.

I was exhausted, not sleeping and going out way too much can take everything out of you. I sunk into his arms, resting my head on his shoulder; I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He took me to the sofa and laid me down, I held onto his hands as he moved to pull away. I locked eyes with him.

"I'm going to grab my shirt." He said, smiling softly. I nodded.

I need to stop crying so much, I was strong... how has Matthew managed to break me down so quickly and easily. The barriers that I had built up through the years were being ripped away from me before his eyes. I watched as he made his way back over to me, slipping his shoes off he climbed over me and pulled me onto his chest.

That was how we laid for a while, me laying on his chest, my legs in between his. I had removed my shoes and was now wrapped in his large shirt. Angel was licking my hand from the biscuits I had been feeding her.

I glanced up at him, he was reading the news on his phone and had a cigarette in his mouth. I smiled when his eyes met mine, a genuine smile. One that showed the true happiness you can feel deep within yourself, a smile which could tell the world something so small yet oh so important.

I moved a hand and took it from his lips, bringing it down to my own. He watched me intently, smiling. I knew there was something running through his head but as of this moment right here, nothing matters.

OMG ANOTHER UPDATE

FOR A FREN 

BC SHE A NEEDY HOE