The Deaf and The Rich

Chapter twenty-four...

           

I watch the screen intently trying to quickly read what they're saying, I downright refuse to put subtitles on.

I can do it myself!

I used to talk. I can do it just as well.

Matthew was on the news with that woman from his office, I'm trying to understand what is happening but it's not really working.

I hate it! I hate being deaf... it just sucks.

I can hardly do anything anymore, I won't be able to work well anywhere because I can't listen to people. I can't listen to people talk; I want to hear Matthew's voice just once. I can't listen to music, I really miss that... it helped me get away from the world. I won't ever hear a baby's cry, or wedding bells, or someone I love saying 'I do.'

I should've been hit by that car...

Mum could've left the difficult, angsty child behind that day and mourn the loss of her son but she didn't... she loved me, and I loved her. It was the relationship everyone wants with their mum, being there for each other, talking to them about anything... she was the one who never gave up on me when we found out I was deaf.

Mum always knew what to say, she knew when I was feeling down and out. Even Henry realised it after a while, coming and sitting with me when I was low... he just sat and talked, about nothing in particular really, he would just talk and take me mind off everything.

Dad was amazing; he was crazy smart and so loving. He seemed cold but when it came to mum, Henry and I he was the biggest softie ever, he would sleep in my room when I was sick or scared. Nothing would be said or heard, he would simply bring his office chair and sleep next to my bed, I just needed the reinforcement that I want alone.

Not hearing anything, it just gets so lonely.

There's no one you can really relate with because everyone would find it different...

My phone buzzes and catches my full attention.

Matthew – just turn the subtitles on

Matthew – nothing bad is going to happen, it's not like I will think anything of it x

Me – yeah but I will

Me – I want to be able to do this.

I changed my mind, texting once more.

Me – what are they saying?

Suddenly the sofa dipped beside me and the captions flew onto the screen, I read through them rapidly trying to catch up.

'You're engaged?' I signed and his mouth opened, probably a sigh.

"I'm not engaged, she has everyone thinking that but I feel that after what happened a few days ago, she won't anymore." He spoke, reaching a hand to my cheek. I moved and nuzzled into his palm, still looking at his face. "I'm yours, Joshua. No one is changing that."

I don't even know what we area but I don't care about labels, I just want Matthew.

'I'm yours.' I sign.

And for the first time I launch myself onto his lap, straddling him, and kiss him. I hope to god that all the emotions I'm feeling are shown through the kiss.

The kiss becomes more heated as we part our lips, and our tongues fight for power. I give in and he lays me down on the couch, I pant as he places kisses from my lips to my jaw and then to my collarbone, exposed through Matthew's shirt. Sleeping in his clothes is the greatest feeling; he begins to unbutton the top of my shirt. My skin tingled under his soft touch, running hands down my chest. I moved my own hands around his neck, then down to press against his chest.

His hand moved to my hips, and everything suddenly became too real. The insecurities and realities crashed down onto me.

I pushed against his chest, frightened.

"M-matt-th-ew-w." I choked out his name; he stopped and looked at my face. Taking in the unshed tears from my eyes and the trembling lips, his whole persona changed. Hurriedly, he pulled me into a hug and stroked my back, I could feel breath on my ear and I knew he was apologising.

I'm the worst...

Why can't I just do this right?

I feel a strong hand on my cheek, I flinch, and my head was tilted to face his face.

"I'm so sorry, Joshua." He spoke to me, lips mere inches away from mine.

Shaking my head I signed 'I'm sorry' with shaking hands.

He took me up to his room, laying me on the bed he stole a soft kiss and went to the bathroom. As he was in there I had a chance to think about what just happened... I wasn't even scared of him, it's like I wanted it but I was terrified. I was scared of the intimacy, that someone would see my body, all surgery scars and pale skin. My body is such an ugly body; I'm still confused to why Matthew likes me...

Stop! Stop thinking like that you idiot.

He likes you, yes, he may be insane but he does like you.

'C