THE SASAENG

thirty six

I went back home, I just wanted to go where I used to go when I'm stressed and sad, shower...
 had been depressed for quite sometime.
I am drifting from the cherry me into a silent and depressed individual.
I barely could see the fun in life each time I open my eyes to greet a new day.
Through strong willed to go on with life I see less of a color in my window.
My world is getting so mundane and filled with deafening silence.

I resolve not to seek solitude in pills. I will not flood my pillow with tears. I will not protest the bitterness I see in life. I will wash it away tonight.I will cry with the trickling drops of water in my shower.
It will be a time to ceremoniously clean my soul. Depression is getting the better part of me. I hope I can get through this torrent. I hate retreating in darkness. I detest to be alone. Yet its coming back to me. A sobbing from the deep.

Today I will meet my dad's woman, we will ate lunch together, I hope she turned to be as good as dad. I'm not going to be a rock in my dad's way, he has the right to move on, mom will always has this special place in his heart, I know, but he also needs to continue life.
_____

I met her, she is a nice woman, we will know each others more in future since now I can't be with them alot, my dad decided to get married again, and that's why he wanted us to meet, they told me about it together, my dad really seems happy, I was happy for him, also she looks happy with him. I think they'll be fine together.
*Can I say something * I asked and my dad nodded* if course honey go ahead*
I smiled at him * I want to thank you my father, for raising me all the past 20 years Alone, for being my mom and dad, and my friend as well, I'm really thankful for all the times you were there for me, in my hard times and dark nights, with you , I never felt lonely, and I want to say last days but I didn't have the chance but I really want to say that I'm sorry, I wasn't the pretty good girl to make you proud Enough, but also know that I'm trying my best, and I will always love you and support you and Mrs kim, I hope you'll​ make happy time together, and I hope all the good for you my dad*
I finished and we were all tearing up, I've been holding this for so long, but I finally let it out, *ah let eat now , it's supposed to be a happy day not a sad day* I said trying to cool the atmosphere..we continue to chitchats together and it all goes well, when I go to Paris,dad will go to USA with me Kim, since I'll be absent he'll take the chance to develop his work abroad..

__________

I woke up in the morning, today I will go to bighit, I'll give the things to the CEO, than I will meet all the boys, I'm going to apologise today, since I'll be leaving tomorrow.

I opened my locker and I take the things I prepared from there, I'm ready to go, I need to do this. I called misoo yesterday, I told her to let the boys in the dressing room because I have to tell them something.

I ride my car to the company, I parked, then I put my haid on the steering wheel, I was so nerves, today I will lose the rest of what I got of friends, but again I'm not backing up. At least I will feel comfortable that I apologized before I leave, I turned my head to the seat next to me, I stared at the things I got with me, I took it in my hands and get off the car. I locked it and went to the building.

I directly walked to the CEO office, I won't waste more Time it's now or never, and before I can knock I heard that voice again.. Mr choi was there, I think he has something for not closing the doors probably, just like the last time. In the same place I stood there and listened to them..

* You probably know why I'm here today, you sent someone to break in my office*

*You're wrong Mr choi, it's not our fault if your assistant is stupid* the CEO said.

*Well, even if you took all the stuff and broke my computer that I can't use anymore, I still have something*

I got a heart attach for a while..
Mr choi put the envelop on the table and the CEO just looked at it.