commitment (xxxtentacion)

safe

Nina's POV:

The car ride was silent. No music. No laughs. No conversations. I figured maybe he was mad at me for even dancing with ski.

"No, Jahseh isn't that petty Nina" a voice in my head spoke.

I started to worry, I wanted to hear his voice. I didn't want to feel alone or hated. Not tonight, no.

"where are we going again?" I broke the haunting silence. Bold and clear I was.

He sighed. "I'm taking you to my place. Like I said, i don't want you alone tonight, god knows what you'll do." He sounded so mellow, so sad.

I started to cry again. This time I hid my tears. I feel like I let him down, I really did. The feeling knowing you did fail someone, is truly horrific.

The rest of the car ride was silent once again. Not the comfortable silence you'd probably think. Its the dark, no music, bad thought filled silence. We got to his apartment and a feel of relief came on me.

We walked out the car and in the apartment we went. Still no words said. He closed the door behind me and picked up Titan who was already running to me.

"You can shower if you want I'll get you a towel and some clothes to wear" he walked in his room and came out with clothes and towel.

"thank you.. Jahseh, im sorry. I know you're ma-"

"its fine. go shower, get comfy and you can talk to me if you want after" he interrupted.

I did as told. I handed him my purse so I can shower. I locked the bath room door and cried. I couldn't stop crying. I felt so embarrassed of myself.

"He doesn't hate you relax" my thoughts spoke to me.

I stripped my self out of the clothes I wore and got in the shower. The warm water hitting my body felt so soothing. I thought about ski during the shower. I thought about how will I talk to him after today. I know he was drunk and like I said, people make mistakes, but this was unforgettable. He tried to rape me. The thought of rape instantly gave me goosebumps. I noticed where my thoughts were heading. When I did I focused on cleansing myself and getting out the shower.
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"Can I come in?" I slightly knocked on his room door.

"Yeah come"

I opened the door and saw a puffy faced Jahseh laying on the bed watching cartoons.

I put the dirty clothes on the dresser where my bag was. I made my way towards his bed and sat next to him.

"Don't cry" I whispered.

He stayed there frozen just staring at the t.v screen with no emotion on his face. It felt like he ignored me.

"Ski was drunk. I saw him on you I got jealous and mad. I beat him up. I beat up my damn best friend" he said still staring at the t.v, he was now sitting up.

"Look I'm not mad at you or ski." His head quickly turned to me. He looked at me straight in the eyes.

"I don't blame you for beating him, I would have done the same, I even tried to. I'm not mad at ski for what he did. He was drunk, he wasn't in control of his own mind at the moment. I'm just shocked" I explained hoping he'd understand. His expression changed at the sound of my words. His eye brows loosened up giving me one less thing to worry about.

"H-how are you going to talk to ski after today" he nervously asked.

"I'm not sure but I know soon I'll have to confront it" I looked down at my hands. I really did wonder how I was gonna talk to ski. Tomorrow morning he's going to wake up all beat up with the regret of what he did. I do truly feel bad.