Drowned Out Love *ON HOLD

8. The End As I Know It

POV: Trin

What a long and pointless conversation. Actually, it was closer to a lecture because I didn't get a chance to talk once, not that I would have said anything. It was information I already knew and was required to know.

I zoned out shortly after the good doctor said, "if you're hearing from your wolf then you'll be shifting sometime in the coming weeks."

I already knew from family history that it would be in the next few days not weeks, but he didn't want to give a short window, only for me to have a reason to panic if it didn't happen in the allotted time frame.

I decided to spend my day dreaming time thinking about the past twenty-four hours. It all makes sense actually. I had never felt the need to be more approachable or have a better public image until I'd heard from my wolf. I can already say that I don't like her all that much.

She was too... outgoing almost, like some overactive puppy. And why is she coming forward now? I come from a long line of late bloomers in terms of when we shift for the first time.

I'm still later than most but in my family, it doesn't usually happen until after we turn eighteen. It all has to do with when we are done growing, and when our body is strong enough to withstand the change. It almost happened earlier when I started shaking; however, my body shut down before any harm could come.

There's still a disconnect with my wolf, which is why she keeps fading out like a bad radio signal. We won't get a permanent connection until after I shift. Somehow this makes me feel empty. I woke up this morning I woke up with a hole in my heart that I didn't even realize was there, and now I can consciously feel the void. The more I focused on it the farther zoned out I got.

I was pulled back by a penlight shining in my eyes.

"Trin?" I heard someone call.
"Trin, can you hear us?" It was Etric. I turned my head slightly to look in the direction he spoke from and blinked the burning light out of my eyes.

"Why are you crying? Are you alright?"

"I'm crying?" I mutter to myself, not meaning to say anything out loud. I press my hand to my check just to be certain. Sure enough, I am. I didn't even realize, nor do I know why. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to hear them say something. I just know they asked me something.

With my lack of response doctor, Shasta left. I guess I accidentally answered his question with my silence. This has been a very off day for me.

It was just Etric and I alone in the room again. I couldn't help but feel so alone. It makes me want to shift right now so I can get my wolf to fill the void she created.

Etric breaks the silence after observing me for some time. "You're abnormally emotional right now. Is there something you want to talk about?"

His question was very broad. It didn't suit him, but I decided to appease my curiosity.

"This feeling... The emptiness..." I trailed off, not knowing how to voice my thoughts. I continued to move my mouth hoping the words would appear, but when they didn't I let my mouth fall closed with a defeated sigh.

Etric somehow caught my drift. "Everyone feels different after their first encounter. It just shows the kind of chemistry you'll have with your wolf."

"Is it because she got so close to the surface? Why did that even happen earlier? It was so... without warning," I tried to elaborate. What made her want out right then? Was it because I was stressing myself out? They didn't tell me about any of this in my classes growing up.

"I don't know. She probably felt your emotions. I'm sure they were a bit stronger than usual." He tried to sound a bit consoling. Keyword being tried, but it was a nice gesture. This was probably one of our most heart fleet conversations, yet it felt more distant.

Very few words were exchanged between us. I didn't really have the energy to carry on a conversation.

Etric must have noticed my lack of energy because he asked if I needed him here anymore. I just shook my head and he stood to leave. His steps were silent as he crossed my room, and right before he left, he turned. The look on his face reminded me of someone so endearing and familiar but I didn't know who. It made my lips quark up, and it made me think about his mate. She lucked out with him.

It was with that thought that I realized he's never mentioned his mate. I just know he has one because of his mark. I wonder if I know her. I kind of want to meet her. I don't know why. I just do.

I'm no longer forming words in my mind as I'm on the edge of consciousness, so it's a peaceful quiet around me. Somewhere off in the corner of my mind I can feel a whimper. I can almost feel it in my own throat like I'm the one making the sound but I'm not. I tune into it just enough for it to soothe me to sleep. It's calming in a sad way. I feel tears well up in my eyes, but just enough to get my eyelashes damp.

Why is she sad? I'm a bit too out of it to try reaching out to my wolf. All I can do is drift off as some bystander. I'll have to talk to her tomorrow. My thoughts are getting shorter and more jumbled as sleep collects me. I hope... I... Hope... She's okay.

* * * * *
Wow, I didn't mean to take a year and a half hiatus. Oh well, it's not like anyone has read this. I'll try to keep up on it, but time kind of flew by.