A Second Chance

Fin

5.

In the car on her way back home, Olivia was running all the events of the day back in her head like a movie. She was surprised at how well she had handled the situation in the end, and at her own willingness to get over Elliot leaving her without a word for now, and to step up to support him. She had always been very adept in suppressing her own feelings but she felt this wasn't the time to start digging into her soul. Despite the sad circumstances, she was relieved to have finally seen him again. It wasn't clear to her yet how their contact would evolve in the long run but for now, he was in her life again. And it made her happier than she had expected, even without an explanation for the way he had left her. It was so obvious now, no need to deny it. She loved him. She had always loved him. As a friend at first but he had grown into much more over the years. He had been her lifeline, the closest thing to family that she had ever had. That was the biggest reason it had hurt her so much that he left so abruptly. After he left, she had – once again – been utterly alone. Until Noah, that is.

She picked up Noah and went home to make his dinner. She wasn't hungry herself and just had some fruits. After Noah had fallen asleep she tried to watch some TV but she could not concentrate at all. She turned the TV off and put on some quiet background music in stead. More and more memories of her time with Elliot came flooding back and they did not make her sad anymore, now that she had seen him again. And she would see him again tomorrow. Just like that. She finished her glass of wine and decided to turn in early. She would need all her energy tomorrow ... for the Stablers. She lay awake for a while but eventually fell asleep, slept well and woke up refreshed the next morning.

When Olivia walked into the squad room the next morning, she immediately announced that she would be taking the afternoon off. Fin and Amanda looked at each other, then Fin asked her if this had to do with Kathleen Stabler's visit the day before.

"As a matter of fact it does," Olivia admitted.

When it looked like she wasn't going to explain any further, Fin asked "Elliot okay?"

She noticed that all her detectives were looking at her and hesitated. She didn't feel like sharing the Stablers' personal lives with all of them but she would have to say something.

Finally, she nodded and said, "He is okay. His wife is ill and she asked for me. I am going to see if I can help out in any way while she is incapacitated."

She started walking towards her office but Fin stopped her. "How ill is she Liv? It sounds serious." She made a gesture that he should follow her. The others didn't know Elliot anyway. When he had closed the door behind him, Fin asked her if she was okay.

"Yeah ... yeah, I'm fine. It was just kind of a shock to see El again after such a long time. And to learn about Kathy ..."

"If she sent for you, she must be pretty sick," Fin thought. "She want to say goodbye or something?"

"You're right, it is serious. It's cancer and she is dying. She asked me to look out for El after she's gone." she blurted out. She needed to tell someone.

Fin was silent for a while. He had seen them work together for years and knew they had always had a special bond. And Kathy had known too.

"That's a remarkable gesture," he finally concluded, "for her to ask you to come back into Elliot's life. Now that's love ..."

She smiled hesitantly. How much exactly did Fin understand of the situation?

"So how are you holding up?" he asked, direct as always.

She laughed softly while turning on her computer and sitting down at her desk. "How do you think?"

"Glad to see him again but not sure what to do or how close to get?"

He was spot on.

"And Elliot?"

"The same I guess. But he has a lot going on, knowing that he will lose his wife soon. And their youngest son is only eight years old, so he needs attention too. I don't know if I should leave him alone for now but it looks like he needs someone to talk to."

"And who better than you, Liv. I guess Kathy knows you know him better than anyone."

"She may be weak physically now but she is a very strong woman," Olivia observed.

Fin understood what she meant.

"Well, you can count on me to keep things rolling here. If you want to take some more time off I guess we'd have to clear it with 1PP but I'm here for you. Just say the word."

"Thanks Fin!"

He patted her on the shoulder, then left her office.

She had some paperwork to go through, then had to do a briefing of her squad on a few cases that were turning out to be linked. By the time they finished that, she would probably have to get ready to pick up Noah, if she was going to be on time for tea at the Stablers.

It was weird to suddenly have them back in her life again. But it felt good, as if it was meant to be. Almost as if everything had been leading up to this point over the past four and a half years. She had never really accepted that she would not see Elliot again and there was so much she needed to tell him, so much to catch up on. She felt like she had held her breath for a very long time, and was finally starting to breathe again.