A Losing Battle {The Land of Ecstasy: Book Three}

Chapter 8

Peter

        The cold, unfriendly moon stared down at me from the hollow, starless sky above. The winds tickled my cheeks, but left something to be desired. The air itself seem to press down on me, grounding me to this now twisted and ravaged island that used to be a paradise. Fear struck into my heart as I cried silently. No amount of lying or mask of a facade would hide me from myself tonight. Tonight was a night I usually spent alone with my book, one of few records I had of what had truly happened on this night many years ago, and everything that came after. It had been, although a sad and disheartening tale, a comfort to me in the days that I was loneliest. This year, however, would be spent alone without the book. All I had were memories and an unforgiving night sky.

        I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep immediately, no matter how tired I was. This year, even without the war, would have been a very different one. Jay was now truly dead. I knew that although he had not died my ally, he would have wanted me to move on, but I couldn't. Even though it had been what seemed like an eternity, I couldn't leave him behind. He was, after all, the first lost boy, my first real friend. We had cared for one another for a time, but eventually, it proved it was not meant to be. That hadn't stopped the tears though. It pained me to know it was my fault, all of it. No matter how much I tried to console myself, I would never let go of Jay. The very notion of it pained me more, to think that Jay was already no more than a memory to Neverland.

        A leaf landed on my nose, and reminded me of my surroundings. I decided to thank the little leaf, as it had snapped me out of a near-trance. Others would sometimes find the fact that I thanked inanimate objects "quirky", but honestly, I didn't care. I had bigger problems.

        Right now, I had a worry, one that I hadn't had since the time that Jay was one of my lost boys. I worried that Neverland would be taken from me. I knew I wasn't the only angel out there, and I knew that if my job was to give these children a chance at a childhood, I was failing. I worried that another angel would be sent to take over Neverland, and I'd be sent away. Truthfully, I knew I wasn't adequately equipped to care for everyone in this time of war. But, if another angel were to take my position, it would be detrimental to the sanity and "second-lives" of everyone in Neverland. Their true strength, as I had discovered quickly, was in each other, and they were best of united. My leave would only cause more conflict, and they didn't need that.

        I sighed, and watched Riq and Dave as they rested peacefully. The night sky didn't seem to haunt them they way it did with me, and I envied them that. No pain, no heartache, no worry, and no sad memories when they looked at the moon. It might have even brought them hope, joy, other things a boy their age should have. Things that were difficult to find now in Neverland.

        For a brief moment, my mind cleared. Then, new worry clouded my mind. I had taken a risk, leaving the letters with Cal. I didn't doubt that he'd eventually open his own, if not right away. But, whether he held on to them, disposed of them, or delivered them, he could not read them. This was where an honor code, one which I believed Cal to have, came into play. If Cal read the letter addressed to Howie or Meridia, they contained not information, but encouragement. I knew that Howie was testing Cal, in his odd yet foolproof way. Howie would wise, and even without the letters, he would make his decision well on his own. The letter was simply an apology to him for the circumstances, and me wishing him well, certain areas in particular. I worried that Cal would use what was written to cause him fear and anxiety that would cloud his judgement. I knew Howie would be a vital person in this war, no matter what side he ended up on, which was why the idea of Cal manipulating him terrified me. Meridia, on the other hand, was not as vital, but the letter was more of a word of encouragement, thank you, and hopefully inspiration and motivation. I knew she likely made her decision based on what is best for her unborn baby, and what Bix would have wanted. The other side, Cal's Rising Revolution, would tempt her so. After all, they have a large army, a better chance of winning the war, and Bix's own best friend led the fight. Except, an army was no place for a pregnant woman or her child, and Cal had betrayed Bix.I knew she would be scared and confused, and I worried Cal would take advantage of her. 

        That left the last letter, the greatest risk of all. The last letter had to be delivered in order to work, but should it work, could possibly give me, Dave, and Riq a fighting chance. I had written the letter to a little boy, one who I had seen watching Max's funeral and the battle. Max fascinated him, a boy who could love a boy. I knew the tiny boy, Javier, was close with Tiger Lily, who could convince all of the Indians to side with me if Javier convinced her. So, I allowed myself to hope that for once in this mess, I could do something right.

"Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

-Stephen King