Axis

august 11th

I'M ALREADY WIDE AWAKE by the time Meredith finally wakes up, residual foundation and mascara that I was unable to fully remove with a makeup wipe before bed last night smudged on her face and hair a bundle of frizz. She looks confused and very, very hungover, bringing a hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight that sifts through the cracks in my blinds.

As last night comes flooding back in her memory, she mutters a curse word under her breath.

I nudge the glass of water I fetched for her a few hours prior and left on the nightstand toward her and she slowly sits up, reaching out to grab the water with one hand and rubbing her temple with the other. After taking a sip and choking down some Advil, she turns toward me and winces. "How shambly did I get last night?"

"Define shambly," I quip, my lame attempt at lightening the mood.

Her head falls back into the pillow and she groans. "I hate myself."

"Everyone was wasted by the end of last night, don't feel bad," I say. "And I texted your mom pretending to be you and said you were sleeping over at a friend's house, so don't worry about that aspect. I got it covered."

"Lex," she says, frowning, "you could've told her that I was sleeping over at your house. She remembers you, you know. She used to go on and on about what a positive influence you were on me."

Used to. I don't draw attention to it, but the implication is still there. We were once good friends. Now we're civil acquaintances. Which, in a world full of civil acquaintances whose ties rely solely on empty promises of "let's hang out"s and "we need to catch up"s, means very little.

"I can drive you home, if you want," I offer.

She reaches for my hand, stopping me short. "Lexi, please." Her voice comes out sounding kind of desperate. "I need to talk to you. This time for real. Can we go to that coffee shop we were talking about last night? Maybe grab a bite to eat to cure this hangover?"

My voice comes out in a soft puff. "Okay."

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Fifteen minutes, two foamy cappuccinos, and a bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich later, we're seated at a table in the corner of Europa, dawdling around on small talk, putting off the inevitable. The Conversation.

Meredith, unsurprisingly, is the one who works up the courage to segue into the Conversation first.

"Lexi, I'm worried about you."

Something in my heart droops, and I feel myself further wilting toward the ground, but I manage to put on a happy face, pasting an expression of disbelief over my features. "Why's that?" I ask as chirpily as I can manage.

She shoots me an unconvinced look. "Jasper leaving. Look, I know we're not as close now as we once were, but with River being gone and Jasper being out of the picture, I think it would be really nice if the two of us can at least try to be friends again, like old times. Heaven knows I'll need it, after isolating myself from all my other friends these past few years to suck up all my free time with River, and I think you'll need it too since Jasper is just about the only friend you have."

Her words should probably sting, but she's just speaking the truth. That's the Meredith Billingsley way—never beating around the bush, always getting straight to the point.

"What's going on with you and River anyway?" I find myself asking.

She heaves a sigh, rubbing her temples. "I think we're soon going to be on the outs," she says. "I wanted this to work, I really did, but the truth of the matter is that we have no idea what life is like apart from each other, and now that he's going to college and I'll still be here, trying to make this work just doesn't make sense, you know? He wants his freedom, and I'm still trying to figure out what I even want out of life. And I think that needs to be a choice that I make on my own, without his influence."