The Angel

Chapter 11

"You'd think you'd be used to being in the hospital by now," Lilac grinned.

"I seriously doubt that's a good thing." Still, Alexander managed to crack a smile as he sat beside her bed.

"You know, I've been thinking: You're going to join the army, right?"

He nodded.

"Then don't die just so that it'll make you look like a hero. I'm the one doing the dying. You gotta be the one who lives for me."

* ** * ** *

"She didn't tell me, if that's what you're thinking. Why didn't she tell me?"

"About the brain tumour? It's because she loved you, Alec. And because she wanted to be with you -- not stuck in some hospital as if in a prison."

"A hospital as a prison? They could have helped."

"If they helped, you would've never learned how valuable life is."

"That's not the point: she would still be alive."

"But did she ever belong here in the first place?"

* ** * ** *

Alexander stared at the white ceiling of his living room with a blank expression as he lay on the carpet, back to the floor and wrist on his forehead. A folded, half-crumpled note was stiff in his hand. The bags under his eyes hadn't faded away ever since a month ago. Why did it have to hurt so much?

"Why are you all alone?"

"... I'm new. I don't know anyone."

"That's okay! We can just talk if you want...! My name's Alec. What's yours?"

"... Lilac, but most people call me Lil'..."

"Lil', why'd you have to burn yourself into my heart so badly that I memorized every bit of you so well?" People might think he was crazy if they saw him -- just talking to thin air in the lonely solitude of an empty room. "I didn't know you as well as I should have... I shouldn't have let go so quickly... Is the fear of losing myself a reasonable fear now that you're gone...?"

"Alec, ever had a crush?"

"No. Too busy for that."

"Too busy with useless stuff?"

"Planning ahead is not useless, Lilac."