Letters To You

Day 92

you think that everything is fine, and you just can't stop smiling. you think that everything is going as what you think is described as "good." all you ever want to do is hope for the best. until someone that has changed your entire life found someone new...someone who makes them smile more often than how you made them smile. all you feel now is numbness and despair when they talk about them, when they smile brighter than when they did for you, when they live. your heart suddenly...breaks, like a fragile vase filled with dead, withering flowers. the vase is your heart, and the flowers your hope...the petals are your tears. you remember the "good times" you two had, and smile while all your eyes can see is a blurry vision of your body shaking. you wonder why they came into your life...and start thinking that they ruined everything for you. you think that they ruined your life, your vision of life, your relationship with others, when really, it's all you. you realize that not everything was meant to be, and you try to accept that but you can't...you won't. you refuse. you refuse to accept the horrid truth that all you want is them. they were everything you could've ever owned that was worth more than anything in the world. you tell yourself that they don't want you anymore, and that they're nothing rare anymore to you...just another illusion to your eyes, your mind. you cry, and cry, and cry, body shaking from the emptiness they left you...your mind state shifts from having a wonderful time with friends, to nothing...just deep fog that clouds your thoughts. you wish on the clock at every 11:11, on every shooting star you can see at night, on every dandelion, hoping to understand why they left you. you want them, you need them...but they don't. they don't want you to think that you are special to them. all they probably see in you is a lying child, not seeing the demons behind her, controlling her like a marionette with strings hooked deep into the scars of your cuts...you are nothing to them anymore...so you wish to die. you grab the razor, and the silver of the sharp blade will soon be covered in your own blood from your wrists. nothing can stop you at this point, and you do it even deeper than before. more blood comes out, and the pain increases with every attempt to just...end it there. you're feeling like everything is done with you. you feel dizzy and tired, and you are still here. why? what did I do wrong? everything, you say to yourself. it's late so you go to bed. the next day, you're awake...and still alive. you held on. you keep holding on, to them...