And you thought it would be Easy

The Darkness

I look around the backstage area for a while, asking the tech guys before I finally find him.
Austin sits on the edge of an empty equipment truck, his feet dangling in the air. When I see him I want to get angry with him until I notice he looks really tired and sick.

"Austin" I walk up to him "dude you look like shit, are you okay?"

"Easy! hey girl, yeah I'm fine just a bit down. It's the unhealthy lifestyle I guess." He just looks at me but says nothing more. That gets me worried. That's not the Austin I know.

I come round and hop up beside him. "Is everything okay, you know, with your heart and stuff?" I realise it is the first time we speak alone.

"Yeah" he smiles and takes my hand and places it on the scar above his heart. "Look, it's still beating and all. So what can I do for you?"

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about something but maybe it's not the right time, I'll just leave you to it." I decide and try to jump off the load area.

"No way! you stay here." Austin rolls his eyes at me and just grabs me by the waist and pulls me onto his lap. "you know that I am always here for you?" I say nothing to this so he looks at me concerned. "You DO know that?" I nod reluctantly. "Hey, have you been crying?" His fingers trace the tear lines on my face.

"I just had a massive fight with Danny, he got all pissed because of the marriage thing and he said that you guys just use me for publicity because apparently people are talking a lot of shit about me on Twitter and stuff."

I sniff and wipe my nose with my sleeve and then I lose it. "I thought we were friends, I didn't realise that it was all just a show for the fans. I feel so stupid." I just turn my head and cry into his shirt.

"Shhhh, Easy don't cry Baby." He rubs my back and cradles me like a child. When my sobbing has finally stopped he takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes.

"I will be totally honest to you, Easy. Of course we don't mind the publicity this whole thing has got because after all we're running a business here and I am aware of some of the things they say about you on the web, believe me you don't wanna know.

But that's not the reason we hang - I hang -out with you, it's because you're awesome and kind, because you're different and funny,
because I can relax when I am around you and be myself, because we have the craziest adventures and because your eyes remind me of the ocean and if Alan wouldn't be all over you all of the time this would have happened a lot earlier." With this he pulls me in for a kiss.

I kiss him back, his kiss is not demanding it is just sweet and kind and lasts only a moment. I rest my face in the crook of his neck and hug him and we just sit there in silence for a while.

I let out a deep sigh. " I have to go to bed and try get some sleep, good luck for the show tonight Austin."

"Do that Baby and don't worry, everything will be alright." He ruffles my hair and gives me a smile.

I get back to the bus and the band is already gone. I climb into my bunk which is above the drivers cabin and put my earphones in to listen to some music to help me get to sleep.

After a couple of minutes I feel my phone vibrate. It's a text from Alex.

From: Alex <3
Mrs. Ashby???? Really????
I wasn't even gone for 24 hours! :(

To: Alex <3
Please don't start giving me shit as well.

From: Alex <3
Oooooh did you have a bad day?

To: Alex <3
You can say that :(

From: Alex <3
Don't worry Easy, it'll pass. In a couple of days it's over and they are onto a new story.

To: Alex <3
I hope so. And fyi I can still become Mrs. Gaskarth ;)

From: Alex <3
Wow that's a massive relief. gtg. Talk to you soon. Nighty-night. Alex. xoxo

I have to smile and put out my phone, turn to the wall to try and sleep.

Next thing I know someone shakes me by the shoulders and I wake up startled and turn around.
Ben is standing there with two take-away cups in his hand.
"Hey its already past bus call, I brought you a coffee, are you alright?"

"Fuck off Ben, I don't need your sympathy." I snarl. He rolls his eyes at me and wants to turn around and walk away when I call out to him.
"Hey leave the coffee here." Yes, I can be a pretty nasty bitch too.

I take the coffee and just scramble out of my bunk and into the drivers cabin. I am so sick of this by now. I start the bus and line up behind the other vehicles to leave the venue together.

As usual nobody visits my cabin on this long nights drive and I am all alone with my music and my thoughts which does not really lighten my mood. On the other hand what would I have to talk with the guys anyway?

When we arrive at our next destination after a 10 hour drive I park the bus, take my water bottle and just crawl back into my bunk again.
There I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. Hours go by but I don't feel like getting up and facing all the people again.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake to the sound of two voices arguing in front of the door.

"You stay away from her, you messed up already, just leave her alone" I hear Danny shout.

"Fuck off Danny I am going to see her whenever I want. I don't care if it's your bus. She is my friend." That sounds like Alan.

And a moment later he appears in front of my bunk. His hair stands out in different directions and he looks at me worried.

"Easy, what's wrong, why are you not leaving the bus?". He takes a closer look at me. "What happened to you, you look like you crawled out of a grave this morning?"

I turn away from him and speak over my shoulder. "Go away Alan, I'm just not up for it, leave me alone."

"See, I told you."Danny comments from the lounge. "so you better leave or I fucking swear I will literally kick you out of the bus."

Before Alan turns to leave he points at me saying "Easy that's not on, get your shit together we have to talk. I'm not going to wait much longer before I come and get you."

I just push the pillow over my head.