Outlaws // Taron Egerton

Seventeen

TARON

     This day had been nothing but awkward. I get in my room and pushing the door behind me shut, sighing in relief and gasping for air. This was the longest three hours of my life, and it was wasted away over nothing but awkward 'hi's and 'hey's and nearly an hour of no speaking. Idris still went by with Margaux because I didn't have time to come up with any plan. Yesterday, the only thing I wanted was to be left alone, so I told the guys to leave me be for the night.

     I had to contemplate on what I did yesterday. I kissed Idris. The strange urge I was trying to stop myself from doing. But the thing is, she's the one who made the first move. She pushed herself up to kiss me. Either way, it was still wrong that I didn't break away and tell her that we shouldn't. I just had to kiss back, emptying my head over contradicting thoughts. Then cowardly running away because it had ignited emotions I didn't know I had for her.

     "The rest of the guys are out. No one's going to insult you. Now, talk." I look behind me and see Leo lying down the couch with the remote in his hand, skipping from channel to channel. I can see him slowly get annoyed with every ski, so he decides to just press the off button and the television goes black almost instantaneously. "Also, there's nothing good on the telly so I'd love to hear this drama."

     I place my coat on the wooden hanger by the door and Leo sits properly, patting the spot beside him. I let myself drop on the couch and just lean my head back, closing my eyes. I need to rest, but I also need to let out a bit of my thoughts. I can't keep this bottled up. Thank god it's only Leo here.

     Don't get me wrong, I love the other guys, but I just don't think that they'll fully accept and understand how I feel even though they had it coming. Especially Jett, who loathes Margaux with all his life. Because they have no idea who 'Margaux' truly is, and I do. At least Leo would kind of get me, I hope.

     It's frustrating I cannot share anymore about her because if I do, it's disrespectful for her side. It's not my thing to share and she will say something when she's ready. But by the looks of it, she's nowhere near ready. She chickens out at the last minute, so if I expose her, she is going to find out, and she is going to freak out. Worse, she will never put her trust on me again.

     Plus, if I did tell the guys about her 'real identity' they are going to think she's only fooling me, and that I'm dumb enough to fall for it. But she never replied to any of my questions like she's hesitating, so if she is lying, she's had this scheme set up for long, she's a great actress, and she's delirious. But it can't possibly be. I heard her angry manager say everything and she's just making it all clear for me. Not unless she really did saw me and had this already been set up. She was just finding a vulnerable person to kill and had her manager as an accomplice.

     Nonetheless, I kissed Idris, it just repeats in my head like a broken record, only I am unable to stop it. It's just on an annoying loop. Turning to Leo, he pats my back and nods as if he understands what is happening, even if I haven't said anything yet. But I know I'm heaving sighs and looking sad.

     Swallowing my pride and avoiding eye contact with Leo, I say to him, "I think I do like Id-Margaux." Goddammit, why do I always have to mess that up?

     His back pats turns into to one big slap and I wince in pain. Firstly, I thought he was beyond cool if I do like Margaux, why is he acting like this now? I thought he wanted me to like her, and now it feels as if he does not think this is a great idea.

     But his expression contradict my thoughts. He looks rather excited, but I can't tell why. Maybe he's excited for me to get a girlfriend out of many years of 'being heartless'-Jett's words. It could also be because he's right with his speculation and is already feeling a sense of pride that he is correct yet again.