The Malec Chronicles

Call Me

"He didn't mean it, Izzy." 

"How do you know?  He liked you."  She glowered at him from across the room, but Alec didn't answer.  "And he told you to call him.  That means something, doesn't it?"

"Of course not.  Did you seem him?  He didn't mean it.. it was just.... he was joking."  Alec had spluttered out a hundred excuses in the past hour as to why he wasn't going to go back to the party and try his luck at seducing the High Warlock of Brooklyn.  His sister didn't appear to be running out of steam, and since Jace or Hodge could appear at any minute, he was going to have to try and explain to Izzy why a guy like that would never be interested in a guy like him, ever, without losing what dignity he still had left.

"Why would he be joking?"

"He didn't mean it, Izzy!  It was a joke."  He didn't want to have to say that there was nothing special about him, nothing that would draw anyone's attention towards him (at least not in a good way).  Alex didn't know how to say that no matter how attractive he found him, with the hair and the absurd choice in fashion, and how much he wanted to peel away his party persona until he got to the man underneath that Magnus would still pale in comparison to Jace.  He didn't want to tell her about how if he would try to talk to him he might get his hopes, might start seeing a chance where there wasn't one, and there wasn't a rune in existence for the kind of heartache that would give him.  He didn't want to say that they all have roles, and his was to be the one that no one noticed.  One half assed offer from a warlock wouldn't change any of that.

"He meant it!  He liked your eyes!  And he made you smile, you never smile, Alec!"   Alec didn't want to point out that although some people might let themselves be bought by a few glittering smiles and false compliments, he was not one of them.  He didn't want to say that he was entirely tuned into reality, and he knew that a man like that would never give a second glance to the boy in the too big sweater with a crappy hair cut.  He didn't want to say that yes, he smiled, and it was nice to have someone that smiled back without rolling their eyes or sighing in exasperation, like he was some annoying kid they had to put up with. 

"I smile."  Izzy laughed then, and Alec felt himself smiling with her.  He smiled all the time.  People were just never looking at him close enough to notice.  "He's probably forgotten all about me."

"Well  If he has,"  She got up then, stuffing a folded up piece of paper into his hand.  He knew without looking that there would be number scrawled across it, probably begged off of some downworlder she promised to go on a date with and never followed through on.  "Make him remember."

Make him remember.  Right

It wasn't that Alec didn't want to call him.  It wasn't that he didn't want to think that there was a guy out there who thought he was cute, and genuinely wanted to talk to him.  It wasn't like that at all.

It was just that he was Alec.  He wasn't memorable, especially standing behind Alec and Izzy.  They were the ones who got to shine, and he was perfectly fine just hiding in their shadow.  He knew that he wasn't much to look at- he couldn't use his looks as a weapon like Izzy or walk with as much confidence as Jace.  He knew that he curled in on himself sometimes, throwing up a wall that no one can knock down, and it was his fault that people's eyes slide over him to someone who actually wants to be noticed.  And most of the time, he's just fine being the ones that everyone has forgotten. 

But sometimes, when there's a boy with a great smile and magic sparking off his fingertips, who thinks he's cute and throws out an opputuntiy to call him, he wants to be the one that gets noticed. By just one person, just once, just for one night.  And tonight he wants it so badly, he thinks that if he were to call Magnus up and say hi, that he was the blue-eyed shadowhunter from the party and he has no clue who Alec is, he wouldn't be able to take it.  There are worse things, he knew, but it is easier to imagine being noticed and dream about maybes than knowing he has been left behind.

He looked down at the scrap of paper laying in his hand, and picked up the phone.  He made it through the five numbers before he threw his cell at the wall, thinking savagely that he hoped the screen would split and shatter so he wouldn't have to deal with this again. 

A part of him thinks that he can't live like this forever, pining after Jace and keeping this part of himself locked away.  He knows that he wants to have someone who makes him smile and laughs at his jokes and looks at him like they can't imagine there being anything more important to waste their time on- but he also knows that there won't be anyone like that, and he certainly won't find it from the High Warlock of Brooklyn, no matter how beautiful he may be.