The Big Book of One-Shots

Random made up conversations(some not made up)

       "(insert name here)!", Mother shouts. "I didn't do it!", you reply. "Didn't do what?", she asked slyly. "I don't know, whatever you're shouting about!", you told her honestly. "If you don't know what it is, how do you know you didn't do it?", she asked smugly. You could hear her raising her eyebrow as she smirked upstairs. "Cause I haven't done anything bad recently.", you explain. Perhaps stretching the truth a little bit. But hey, you haven't given her any reasons too be mad that she knew about. "What if it was something good?", she asked you. Without missing a beat, you replied wholeheartedly, "Well then it definitely wasn't me!".

        A teacher asked her students to write about their favorite history stories. One girl wrote about Noah and the Arc. The teacher was an atheist and didn't approve. The teacher tried to tell her she had to use a true story. She insisted it was one. The teacher asked her how he fit all those animals on that boat then. "I'll ask him when I get to heaven!" she answered triumphantly. The teacher looked at her and asked, "And what if he went to Hell?". (take a deep breath and prepare to laugh your head off) The little girl replied, with complete and utter sincerity, "Well then you can ask him!". (I didn't make this one up. It's completely real. This really happened)

   I swear, this one really happened to me. Also, if you are an innocent person who listens when people say you don't want to know, then you should probably skip this next paragraph.

   So, my dad, sister, and I, were hanging out w/some of my dad's work buddies. One had been drinking a lot of water. When the waitress came to replace the pitcher and he told her he basically drank the first one, she commented that at least he was hydrated. At which point, since I simply must comment on everything and have no filter, I asked him, "Are you sure you're wet enough?". It was a WATER joke! Not other! After a moment, I realized what I said didn't mean what I thought it did. "What'd I say?" my dad turns to his friends, "If I don't tell her it'll never stop.". "It has to do with the birds and the bees."   Well no dip, that's the only thing people react to like this. But what does water have to do w/that? "How?" "Do you want me to explain that here?" "yes please"   So, that's when Dad explained to me about the need for lubricant and I just told a related story. One of them turned to Dad, "Is this what it's like in your house every day?"  "Pretty much."  "You must be like, super dad!" When we all left, he said, "you better watch out for this one". That's when I grinned and started skipping to the car like the little psychopath I am. It made my day to hear that.

(quote from my 3yr old cousin when play fighting w/my 10yr old brother)                                          "No no no! Put your sword down so I can stab you!"    Isn't that just the most adorable thing! XD