Cross My Heart

Charlie

"The deepest wounds aren't the ones we get from other people hurting us. They are the wounds we give ourselves when we hurt other people."

-Isobelle Carmody, Alyzon Whitestarr

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BECK

Thud! My face against the wall.

How did it come to this?

Crack! The breaking of my bones.

How did I become this?

Thump. Thump. The calm pace of my heart.

The metallic taste of blood colored my tongue. I laid on the floor. Unmoving. I didn't even try to get back up.

"I'm sorry, Beck. I didn't want to do this."

His boot on my face.

"You shouldn't have messed with him."

A final kick to my stomach. My body writhed with pain. Why was I enjoying it so much? Why wasn't I fighting back?

"He wants his message heard loud and clear. Julian's coming for you."

Charlie shuffled his feet.

"He left you alive last time. Just a bullet to the spine. He won't make the same mistake twice."

I slowly turned onto my back, gritting my teeth tightly. I propped myself up on one elbow and spit blood out on my side. I started to laugh while my body screamed in pain.

He looked older. His hair was a darker brown. His high cheek bones were more obvious now. He had a fresh new scar across his brow. Julian had struck him. Charlie didn't want to be here. He didn't want to deliver the message. But no one could say no to Julian. I had paid the price for making that mistake.

I met his eyes and the look he gave me was unbearable. It was a look of pity. I hated that look. It was a look everyone had given me since Luke...Noah and Sasha. They didn't know how to act around me anymore. Every word, every look, was carefully constructed so as not to set me off. Didn't they know what that one look did to me? Didn't they know that it just made it all the more real? That I couldn't see him anymore. His smile. That I couldn't hear his laughter again. That I would never feel his touch. That he was...

D

E

A

D

My heart ached.

"Beck" – his voice was softer this time – "Killing yourself...won't bring him back. You're starting something you won't be able to finish. So, please stop. Beck...I'm begging you."

My eyes hardened and I clenched my jaws. His eyes slowly widened in realization. He looked down, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

He whispered.

"I don't want to fight you, Beck."

He walked closer to me and bent down, his lips to my ear.

"If it'd be easier...I wish you'd die right now."

He pulled slightly back, his eyes tearing.

"It'd be better than seeing you die by Julian's hands. If it'd be easier...I wish you'd die right now."

Then abruptly, he stood up. He took a couple of steps away from me. He spoke over his shoulder.

"I hope I don't see you again, Beck. For both our sakes."

Then, he disappeared into the night.

I let my back fall against the pavement. The action sent a bolt of pain barreling through my body. I just laid there. Unmoving. I blinked my eyes several times. I just looked at the stars above me. I started to count.

One.

I wished the pain would stop.

Two.

I wished I could just end it.

Three.

Would it hurt?

Four.

Does it hurt any less now?

Five.

Did it hurt when you...died?

Six.

I'm sorry. It's my fault.

Tears starting rolling down the side of my face. The iron fist around my heart tightened. I couldn't breathe. My vision started to blur. I shook my head to regain focus but things just got clear to become blurrier again.

And then...black. 

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-Sorry sorry sorry!!! It's been too long!!!!! But I'm back!!!! It's a relatively new chapter and not much goes down but we get introduced to Charlie and we learn that Beck's started something she "can't finish".

-What do you think????? 

-We get more of a feel for Beck's guilt. How do you think I handled writing the guilt??? Can you feel her pain??? Her want to end everything????? Her want for revenge from Julian??? What did he do????

-Next chapter is gonna be a bunch of emotions from all characters!!!!

-Let me know what you think!!!!

-And as always, vote vote vote and please do leave comments!! I love reading them :) 

-ENJOY!!!