Cross My Heart

Sinking Deeper

BECKETT

I sunk my head under the water. Eyes wide open. Five seconds. 10 seconds. 20 seconds.

I closed my eyes.

How would it feel if I stopped holding my breath? What if I just let the water in? Would it be a few seconds of excruciating pain and then peace? Or just pain? 

Did I deserve peace? 

Maybe the more painful the better. 

I opened my mouth and the water started to pour. The first wave of water sent a shock to my lungs. My throat started to burn and I suddenly felt like someone had thrown a hundred tons on my chest. 

My heart pounded deafeningly in my ears, probably from the lack of air to my body. My chest convulsed. I balled my hands into fists in an attempt to tolerate the pain. 

It'll all be over soon. 

I heard a whisper.

Beck, came a whisper from my subconscious. 

Beck. Louder this time.

Beckett!

Suddenly, the sound of a gunshot sounded through my ears and I jolted up in the bathtub from the impact. It was as if I had been wearing earplugs of some kind that had been blocking out the noise and someone had violently ripped them out and exposed me to a deafening and unbearable sound. 

I violently coughed up water, my chest convulsing in an attempt to rid my body of the water drowning my lungs. My ears were ringing and I felt an intense headache forming in my temples. 

"Beck." I heard pounding on the door. "Beck, are you okay? Beck?"

I bit my lip and took deep breaths to calm my erratic breathing. 

"Y-yeah," I replied, my voice cracking a little. 

"Um...okay. I'll be out in the living room. I left you some clothes on the bed."

Silence. Then, footsteps. Then, the closing of the door. 

I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my hands around myself. I rocked back and forth, as tears rolled down my cheeks. 

I can never do it. I can never go all the way. Something always stops me. 

It's because I'm not done yet. There's something I have to do. Someone that needs to pay. Someone that needs to die.

And then maybe he'll forgive me. And then maybe it can finally be over. And then maybe the pain - this all consuming, unbearable pain - will finally go away. 

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JEREMY

I waited outside in the living room for her, pacing back and forth. The previous night kept replaying itself in my head. Her tears. Her pain. His name. Luke. 

Who was he? What had he done to hurt Beck so deeply? 

If I ever got my hands on him I'd strangle him to death for hurting her. I'd take a knife and-

I stopped in my tracks. 

What the hell is wrong with me? Since when had I become so violent? Since when did I care so much?

It was...unnatural for me. 

I heard footsteps and turned to see Beck, hair wet, wearing one of my large shirts - large on her - and some boxers. I took in her appearance and something odd hit me immediately. Instinctively, my hand went to her face. 

"W-what are you doing?" she asked, slightly backing away. I held her in place by putting a hand to her back. 

"Your eyes are bloodshot. Your skin is pale. And your lips are blue."

She looked away and her mouth opened and closed several times as she attempted to say something.

"I guess...the a-alcohol didn't sit well with me last n-night." 

I continued to examine her face. She still looked anywhere but my face and she was shifting from foot to foot. 

"You're lying," I said.

"What?" she said, her eyes finally locking with mine. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. It was a new look for her. Beck had always been so composed and never gave away any of her emotions. Seeing her nervous and racking her brain for something to say was something new. 

"Uh, nothing," I said, looking away. "Why don't we eat some breakfast? And then, I gotta head out to school."

"Head out to school? Alone?"

"Yeah, you know? I thought you'd like to stay home and rest up. You probably still feel sick. You didn't look so good last night."

"Yeah. Yeah. Good thinking," she said. She fiddled with her fingers. 

"I'll get any assignments from your teachers. You can just rest at my place until then. And I'll drop you home after school." 

She nodded. 

This is good, I thought. If she's not at school I can probably talk to Noah about school. 

I internally groaned. That guy hates my guts and it always looking to deck me any chance he gets. 

I shook my head. 

I need to figure out this whole Luke situation. Who he is? What relationship he shared with Beck? What happened between them? 

Maybe knowing the whole story would help me help her. Because of one thing I was sure: I cared about this girl and I didn't want her to hurt. We had become friends before I had even realized it. She wasn't like my other flings. Her indifference had sparked my interest and I guess she just grew on me. She made me feel frustrated. Insecure. She challenged me and never gave me any easy answer. I had to earn her trust and her friendship.

I guess you learn to value things when they don't come easy to you. When you have to earn them. Because a diamond is only a rock until it is polished right. And Beckett was a diamond. And she knew it. And now I knew it. 

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-So, I know I'm horrible with my scheduled updates but here's a new update!!! I know it's short but oh well lol

-Things get darker this chapter but I hope you guys like it. Now you know how fractured Beck's mindset is and in a few chapters you'll figure out what went down with Luke.

-And isn't Jeremy the sweetest...he cares so much...a far stretch from the insensitive jerk in the beginning.

-Are the chapters getting better? Are you more interested???

-Can't wait for your feedback and vote, vote, vote my lovelies :)

-P.S. check out the song at the beginning of the chapter :)