They Won't Know It's You // Joshler

Day One

"Tyler, you have acute stress disorder," He said out of nowhere.

"What does that mean?," Mom spoke urgently with confusion.

The man who spoke earlier, my doctor, explained to my mom what this horrifying disorder was, "To keep it short, it means that he is going to have negative thoughts, cognitive impairment, and detachment from friends and family for about a month. I have medication being held for Tyler at the front desk to help with his anxiety and stress."

Everyone became quiet, as for me, I've been quiet. I've been quiet since I walked out of the doctor's office. Everything was happening all at once and I couldn't stop it. It only happened two days ago. I was walking with my friend. We were laughing and smiling. Everything was great, and then it happened. It happened. He came out of nowhere and couldn't stop doing what he did. He had a hat on his head, a black one. He held nothing back and he-

I grabbed my head and started rocking back and forth in my brown, leather seat, tears streamed down my face. "No!!," I yelled loudly. I kept rocking back and forth until someone put their hands on my shoulders and pulled me to sit back into my seat. It was my doctor. I continued to cry and yell, "He wouldn't be dead if I didn't beg him to come with me!!! It's my fault!! It's all my fault!!!"

"Tyler!! Calm down! Please! It isn't your fault!," Mom shouted in agony.

I set the palms of my hands on my ears. "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!!," I screamed. The doctor grabbed my arms and made me let go of my head. He looked me dead in the eye and told me something I couldn't comprehend. All I heard were gunshots and screams inside my head. I was breathing pretty heavily and my doctor tried to calm me down. It barely worked, too much was going on inside my mind. I didn't ask for this to happen.

Mom grabbed my hand and held it tightly. "Tyler, Tyler, calm down, I'm right here, everything will be okay, I promise you."

I looked her in the eyes and squeezed her hand tightly. She looked so worried and torn apart. I couldn't stand it, I hate when she is worried because it makes me worried. It isn't nice to see your own mother in pain. I decided to try to take deep breathes and calm down a bit. I did this for about a minute and it worked a little bit. My mind was still holding onto the event that took place two days ago. My mom though, she looked happier when she saw me cool off. 

"Let's get your things and go home to relax for a bit. Is that alright?," Mom looked at the doctor while speaking. The doctor nodded. I never quite got his name yet, I think I zoned out when he was telling me it. 

Mom stood up and helped me stand as well. She rubbed my arm and gave me a reassuring smile. I kept a straight face, I didn't want to smile. I didn't feel like it. It doesn't seem to suit the moment for me, not after that. 

"It was nice to talk to you, Tyler. I'll be sending you to a friend of mine in about a week, she will ask you how your day was, what dreams you had, and if you feel okay," The doctor spoke to me with a kind smile. He placed his hands in his white, doctor official, coat pockets. 

I shifted and started to tap my toes onto the ground. "So, she's a therapist?," I asked, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I focused on my foot tapping onto the ground. All I heard was a yes come from my doctor. Why did I need a therapist? Nothing will make me better.

"Alright, thank you, Dr. Klutz. I'll go get that medication you spoke about earlier," Mom spoke. 

I couldn't help but laugh to myself. I looked at the doctor in front of me with a small smile on my face. "Klutz?"

Mom looked at me shocked, probably because I laughed at a doctor's last name and I was smiling. I only started laughing more when Dr. Klutz tried to hold back an irritated look, but failed to. I was dragged out by mom while I still continued to laugh. 

"That is such a stupid name. I feel bad for him," I told mom with a grin as we entered the front lobby. She looked irritated with me. 

"I'm glad you're suddenly laughing and smiling, but Tyler, that was awfully rude of you to do. I can't believe you did that," Mom said as she dragged me off to the front desk. I became quiet and my smile faded away. I looked down at the ground as we stopped. Mom asked for my medication and I continued to stay quiet. Mom thanked the lady who gave her the medication and began to walk away. I followed her outside and into the car.

The car ride was silent the whole ride home. It was a horrible silence. I couldn't stop thinking about the event. I didn't want to bother mom though, so I kept it all to myself. Let's just say that that was the worst thing I've ever chose to do. I feel like I'm about to explode, but I still get out of the car silently and walk to the door. I opened it and walked into my room right away. I shut my door and ran to my bed. I jumped onto it and started shaking instantly. My breathing became uncontrollable and I shook my head violently. Maybe if I shook it enough, all the anxiety and worries would go away. I stopped shaking my head and started shaking my hands. Everything was tingling, everything was my fault. Tears started streaming down my face and I shook my head again. I shook it and shook it until I was lightheaded, and my door suddenly opened. 

"Tyler?!," Mom shouted and set the glass and small item she was holding down onto my dresser and ran to me. She grabbed my hands and held them. "Tyler, stop, please, you are okay," She spoke while trying to stay calm, but her voice held worry again. Tears continued to stream down my face and I breathed heavily. Mom set her hand on my cheek and tears formed in her eyes. 

"M-Mom?"

She pulled me into a hug and inhaled deeply. "Please don't cry by yourself. I want to make sure you're okay. Tell me what is in your mind. I don't want you to be like this, I want my sweet, sweet Tyler back. The one who always smiles and laughs"

I rested my head on her shoulder and didn't say anything. How was she going to get the old Tyler back when I don't even know how to stop thinking bad things?

We sat there for awhile and after about ten minutes, mom pulled back. She wasn't crying, surprisingly. She stood up and walked to the glass on my dresser. It was filled with either water or Sprite soda. I guessed it was water since it didn't have bubbles floating to the top like all other soda. She also picked up a pill from my dresser. She walked over to me and held out the round, oval shaped, blue pill. 

"What does it do?," I asked. 

"It'll decrease your bad thoughts"

I took the pill from her and looked at it. I didn't like taking pills. They just never went down when I tried to swallow them. What if I accidentally choke on it? What if it doesn't work? Maybe it is poisonous? 

"Tyler? You okay?," Mom asked and tapped her fingers on the glass filled with water. I looked up at her and bit my lip. I stayed quiet, but looked back at the pill. Do I really want to take it? It could help with this anxiety I'm having. 

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, then I opened my mouth and eyes. I put the pill on my tongue and grabbed the water from mom. Finally, I drank some of the water and after about five attempts, the pill went down. I felt it skid my throat as it went down. I looked at mom and scratched my head. 

"When is dinner ready?," I asked. Mom looked at the time. I did, too. The clock in my room read 6:09 p.m. 

"I'll start it now, so it will be done around 6:40," she replied and took my water from me. She began to walk out of my room. "Be careful, Tyler. Don't hurt yourself. Come get me if anything is wrong." With that, mom left my room.

I stayed quiet for a bit and looked out my window. The sun was going down, and it reminded me of the gun, the man, my friend and myself. How am I going to sleep tonight? 

I made my fingers into a gun, then placed them to my head. I bent my thumb and laid back onto my bed.