Stable Connection

Chapter Eighteen

Jon’s POV

            As I held Lina close to me on the Ferris wheel I wanted nothing more than to pull her in for a kiss; it would be so easy to just lean down and pull her chin up to make her lips meet with mine. Her small frame seemed to mold perfectly with my body like she was made just for me; I had to shake my head to clear out the thoughts and keep my mind straight. It was becoming increasingly harder everyday to resist the pull that I had to her; I constantly had to remind myself that I wasn’t good enough for her and never would be. She wasn’t making it easy for me either; I would catch her staring at me or flirting with me over the last few weeks and trying to resist returning the gestures was harder then trying to chisel rock with a wooden spoon.

            Sometimes the way that she would look at me or talk to me had me thinking that maybe she was starting to have feelings for me too but I had to remind myself that it was probably just my mind playing tricks on me; I wanted her so bad that I was more than likely just imagining her flirting with me and checking me out. She was a really nice girl and I was sure that the things she said to me she would say to anyone, it was just the way she treated all her friends; as far as checking me out, well I did have a nice body that I worked hard to maintain so I really couldn’t blame her for that. I couldn’t allow myself to consider that she would like me; I had to just deal with the fact that she would always be too good for me and we could only be just friends.

            But god she was so beautiful; everything about her was just perfect to me. The way she could smile and take my breath away; she had one of those heart stopping smiles that could light up an entire room. She had the perfect body, with curves in all the right places; her long brown hair hung down to her waist and no matter how messy it was it still always looked good to me. And those eyes, god those eyes; they were an odd color green, like a pastel or the foam that you see that builds up on the top of the ocean. She had those eyes that just seemed to sparkle even in the dimmest of light; eyes that if you looked into them for too long you would find yourself lost in them, feeling like you could see right through to the depths of her soul. There wasn’t a single thing that I could find that I didn’t like about the girl; she had a great personality and a huge heart, she was perfect in every single way.

            It’s was those reasons that should make me realize that I wasn’t good enough for her; for every one of her perfect features I had a flaw to match it. Where she was a great, caring and loving person I was a low life criminal with a felony record and almost nothing to my name. Sure I had a good heart and if I had the chance I would love her with everything that I had but I had made so many mistakes in my life that I didn’t know if she would ever be able to see past them; not that I didn’t think that she wouldn’t be willing too but I really didn’t want to drag her into it, she didn’t need to know or be involved in the things I have did in my life, she was too good for all that. What if one day my life comes back to haunt me; what if one day my old gang finds me and wants to pull me back into the life? I didn’t want to risk putting her in danger or let her see that side of me; I vowed to leave that all behind me but I knew how easy it would be to just fall right back in line where I left off before I was locked up if something went wrong here and I was forced back to LA.

            I told myself these things over and over again trying to convince myself that I wasn’t right for her, that she deserved better than me but for some reason I just couldn’t allow myself to actually believe them; I wanted her, I wanted to make her my girl, I have never wanted anything in my life more than I wanted Lina. Not only did I have an emotional attraction with her but the physical attraction was there too and that seemed to be the part that was getting increasingly harder to resist; I hadn’t been with a woman for over a year and a half and even the slightest of touches from her had my member fighting with the confines of my jeans, I have taken more cold showers in the last few weeks than warm ones so it was really getting to be a problem. I needed a release, I needed to find a woman so that I could finally get my mind off the one girl that I could never have; even if it was just for one night, I just needed something to distract me.