Stable Connection

Chapter Nineteen

Lina’s POV

            The sound of the alarm on my phone going off woke me up the next morning; my head was pounding and I wanted nothing more than to just throw my phone at the wall to shut it up and go back to sleep. I knew my parents would ring my neck if I even thought for a second about skipping church; it was a requirement for the entire family and I knew that even if I tried to fake sick I would never be able to talk my way out of going. I was instantly regretting getting as drunk as I did last night as I sat up on the cot and tried to regain focus; my vision was still blurry and it felt like the room was spinning around me for a few minutes before everything went back to a semi-normal state.

            I slipped on my boots and made my way out of the barn to go back up to the house; when I saw my truck was in its normal spot in the driveway my mind floated back to the reason why I got so drunk last night. When I had walked in to see Sally all over Jon I wanted nothing more than to walk over and grab her by the back of her sluty tank top and pull her off of him; I almost found myself doing it before I regained some sence of normalcy and realized that I had no claim over Jon. No matter what I thought about him, no matter how much I liked him, I had no claim over him; hell, he didn’t even know that I had feelings for him and if the last week told me anything it just proved that he didn’t have feelings for me.

            I thought that the night he held me close on the Ferris Wheel at the fair that maybe he might have felt the same way about me as I did him but I was clearly just entertaining a fantasy; the whole next week it was almost like he avoided me like the plague and knowing that I needed to create space between us I started avoiding him too. I don’t know what happened to me when I got around him but I all of a sudden found myself flirting with him and checking him out every chance I got; it was stupid of me to do those things and every time I caught myself doing it I just wanted to punch myself in the face for being so stupid. Clearly there was nothing between us other than friendship but for some reason I couldn’t get my mind wrapped around the fact that that’s all it was; in my own little fantasy world that played in my mind we were together, he liked me as much as I like him and one day we would start a life together and have a family.

            I needed to just pull myself together and get it through my thick skull that there was nothing between Jon and me; no matter how much I wanted to have a relationship with him it wasn’t going to happen. Walking in the house was still quite and as I made my way up the stairs I could hear the shower running in my parents room; I quickly ran into my room and into the bathroom to start my own shower in hopes that my mom would think that I had been there all night. While I showered I allowed my mind to clear away any thoughts of Jon and by the time I was finished I finally felt like I could focus on something other than the sexy man down at the barn and what he surely did with Sally last night. By the time I was dressed and ready my mom was calling me down for breakfast; when I got to the bottom of the stairs my parents and Jon were already seated at the table in their church clothes.

“Mornin’ Kit-Kat.” My father greeted as I made my way to my seat next to him; it just so happened to be between him and Jon and I offered Jon a quick smile on my way by. Just seeing him again had my mind going crazy; I couldn’t help but think about him with Sally and as much as I didn’t want it to it just pissed me off.

“Mornin’ daddy.” I said back sitting down in my seat and playing aimlessly with my napkin to try and keep my mind and focus off of Jon.

“Your momma and I have agreed to go out shoppin’ with the Millers after church so you and Jon should ride together today.” My father said as my mom brought in the last of the dishes and we all started to load our plates; well so much for trying to keep my mind off Jon for a while.