When Life Finally Began

10 Years Later

"Why is Mommy bald in that picture?" Ava asked. It had been ten years since I had met Dustin. Ten years since my life began.

"There once was this thing called cancer, it took away your hair and hurt you. Don't worry it won't hurt you." Dustin says picking up our daughter and setting her on his lap.

"Can it hurt me?" Annabelle asked.

"Nope you are safe, don't worry dear."

Our phone rang, Dustin rushed to answer it, "Hello? Yup we are having the picnic still. See you there!" He hangs up. "It was Ciara, Clara was pestering her to see if the picnic was still happening. She is an angel honestly."

"Is Mia going to come?" Screams Annabelle.

"I think so." Dustin says, his voice filled with doubt.

"What about your Mom is she coming?" I ask.

"Yup, she said she is super excited and can't wait."

If Jenna was still here she would have been invited to the picnic. She would be all grown up, and would have maybe fell in love with someone. There was still a hole in my heart. A hole so big the twins couldn't even fill it.

Dustin's mom had given us her house claiming she was too old to keep the gardens up to date. I personally think it was because there were too many sad memories in the house. She couldn't stand the idea of cleaning out Jenna's room.

In the end it was worth it, we had found a note from Jenna hidden under her mattress. It read,

Ella,                                                                                                                                                        if you found this it means that I am dead. Sorry. I just couldn't live anymore. I feel the pain every day. I am not nearly as strong as you are. You have always been so brave, and you won't die till you’re old and wrinkly. Remember you told me that? You also promised me we would become sisters and I expect you to keep that promise! Don't break up with Dustin or something cause of me! If you do I will haunt you! You have been warned! You made my life fun, and I am glad I got cancer because if I hadn't gotten cancer I wouldn't have met you. Everything happens for a reason and I guess I got cancer so I could meet you. Death was worth it. I will be watching over you from heaven and I will make sure you live and eventually your cancer goes away! Won't that be spectacular! If you have a picnic I expect there to be an empty chair for me. From the most inspiring nine year old you ever met, Jenna.        

"Mom! Can't we have another piece of candy?" Ava yells.

"How many pieces did you have?" I ask.

"Um, one," She says. Her bright blonde curls bouncing in the light.

"How about a bowl of strawberries?" I ask.

"Fine," she makes a pouty face.

"Do you know where the strawberries are?" I ask Dustin. Chemo fog had tainted my memory. I forgot the silliest things. Once I searched the entire store for my grocery list without even checking my bag. I forgot I even had a bag.

"Remember we put them downstairs?" Dustin says, rubbing my shoulders.

"Right! I'll go get them." I jog down the stairs. When the doctors told me the cancer was gone, I felt a mixture of fear and confidence.

I had kept my promise to Jenna, and would never forget her.

They say cats run away when they die. They say they don't want their owners to see them in pain. It isn't like that with humans. We don't know when we are going to die. We dwell on something that may or may not happen. We focus on the future, we let the future kill us. What's amazing though is with a little happiness we survive, we learn to survive.