“Go away, Phil,” I say for possibly the millionth time today.
“Would you please just hear me out,” he begged.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I internally curse at the slowness of the lunch line. I’d even skipped going to my locker thinking I’d be able to avoid seeing Phil at lunch. Of course not. Nothing ever goes my way.
“I don’t think you’re pathetic, okay? I just thought it was strange… has he ever even spoken to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Philip!” Finally I’d reached the cash register. I paid for my lunch and quickly hopped out of the line.
“Don’t even think about following me.” I saw Phil look down sadly before I turned around and left the cafeteria. I made my way up the stairs and to the library. At times I felt this was the only place I got any alone time. The only place where I could sit and think with no interruptions. I turned a corner, and made my way to my secret table hidden in the stacks. Only, I’d forgotten my secret place wasn’t so secret anymore.
“Dammit, Dan. What are you doing here?!” I throw my belongings down on the table, causing him to jump. He looks at me sadly, and I immediately regret coming off so hostile.
“I–I need your help,” he sighs, “I have Drama next period and I can’t remember my monologue. Help me. Please.” My heart softens at the look he gives me. He’s really disheveled. There are dark bags under his eyes, and his hair – is curly? That’s new. I didn’t realize I was openly staring until he sat back and tangled his fingers through his hair.
“God, I know,” he mumbled, “I’m a mess. Shouldn’t have stayed at Phil’s as long as I did last night.”
“No. No, it’s– never mind. Let’s get to work, yea?” I pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. His body visibly relaxed and he slid his notes over to me. I unwrapped the sandwich I’d bought, took a bite, then nodded at him to begin. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stretched his arms across the table. He flawlessly uttered the first few lines of his monologue. His brow creased in aggravation as he flubbed up a couple words. I don’t know what came over me, but I laid one of my hands on top of his and squeezed his hand gently in encouragement. He opened his eyes slowly and stared at our hands.Oh god. He’s probably wondering why I’m touching him. What am I doing? Should I move my hand away? Or–
“Look, I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me about me. I don’t need you to think that without your help, I wouldn’t be where I am now. I can do fine without your help, I got a GED, I went to a community college with money I earned at a warehouse. I didn’t go to Harvard, I didn’t get a scholarship and I’ll be goddamned if you think you can take any credit for where I am today,” he said flawlessly. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand again. His eyes slowly panned up to meet mine.
“You’re going to do fine,” I promised. The corner of his mouth lifted slowly, revealing his dimple, but it didn’t stay for long. He dropped his head on the table and groaned. He looked up with pleading eyes and placed his other hand on top of mine.
“Can I just bring you to class with me? You’re like my good luck charm or something.” I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. I ducked my head quickly and covered it up with a cough.
“I…uh… I would if I could. You’ll do fine, Dan. Trust me. Just breathe, relax and just let the words flow from you.”
“Thank you,” he said graciously, “You’ve helped me so much. I owe you one.”
“Nah,” I shook my head, “You don’t owe me anything. We’re friends, right? Friends do this kind of thing.”
“Really, let me buy you dinner or something. I can pick you up Friday and we’ll go wherever.”
“I’m grounded.”
“Then next week.”
“The dance is next week.” What am I doing? He just basically asked me out and I’m giving excuses?
“Then let me be your date to the dance,” he said quietly. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. His focus had gone back down to our hands. He was blushing, and I felt horrible for what I said next.
“I… Alex already asked me…” Dan didn’t look up. I saw him purse his lips and furrow his brow.
“Oh…” he says finally, “That’s right.” He looks up at me, his eyes shining brightly and a smile on his face.
“I forgot,” he chuckled, “Well, I have to go.” He slid his hands off mine and slowly stood up. I watched sadly as he gathered his notes and stuck them in his bag. He looked up at me one final time with a smile, I swear it was forced, and walked away. I didn’t have the guts to tell Dan I never gave Alex an answer.
