Essays

Letter of Myself

Dear you,

    There isn't much to know about someone like me. I am as average as anyone else. I have my own secrets and aspirations, my own tales and my own future. Some might differentiate such a thing as "special," but difference doesn't necessarily make you special; only what you really accomplish, I think. At least, that's my philosophy. Does it degrade worth? Perhaps it does, but being similar - being "average," rather, doesn't make you less than. People aspire to be their own classification, but such things aren't necessary. Individuality exists without this tag of "specialness."

    In any case, let me begin. As far as our conversations are concerned, my name is Fetti. It's a short version of "confetti," and this is used because I, at one point in time, utilised the confetti emojis as if it were oxygen that I was breathing. And so, "Fetti" came to be. I also like the way it sounds, so c'est la vie.

I am, of course, a female, though I don't care what pronouns are attributed to me. Because of the name and the owl, most groups I'm in on kik believe me to be a guy. I've never corrected them. To me, concepts like gender, age, names, appearances, are irrelevant. I don't need to know any of them to have a decent conversation. As long as we can speak on levelled terms, that is all that matters to me. Of course, it's relevant in some areas, but not in the primary ones I use; for instance, friendship.

    As for other basic facts: I am eighteen, and turned as such on the sixteenth of April. I live in Indiana, a state known for corn as well as the notorious Vice-President Pence. I am a heteroromantic bisexual. I enjoy listening to everything, though I am picky. I, also, am extremely picky when it comes to food: no pork, no ribs, no steak, no heated ham with cheese atop it, no salmon, no lamb, no chocolate, so on and so forth. It is a very long list.

    As I explained to you, I thoroughly enjoy studying. Actually, I find it exhilarating. Edifying my mind became something that made my heart race. I like knowing more. I like understanding, and especially understanding as much as physically and cognitively possible for the sole reason that I don't want to be left out. It sounds a bit silly, doesn't it? Perhaps it's just the capacity of "more" that drives me. More conversations, more things to experience, more expressions to form. Concentration and expanse became the epitome of my existence, formulating some idea that nothing can always be enigmatic. Maybe, though, it's just my willingness for the possibility, and I am only naive. Maybe it's just prognostic. For something of this nature, only time will tell. And as far as it goes, I will continue to delve into papers and textbooks hoping that "more" will come. Learning is the core of my being.

Nevertheless, despite the other details, I am beyond the baubles of words. I am very open - about my insecurities, my thoughts, my problems. Some days, I do keep it inside, locked down as if it were a disappointment room hiding a neglected and malformed child. I, however, hold a notion, and it goes like this: Doors are meant to be opened. Every chamber you keep inside you that you wish to use to stow away negative sentiments is meant to be pried apart. You don't build a door to lock it. Therefore, if I am to associate with you on good terms, it comes with the entirety of myself, not just a portion. Thusly, I am open to you. And if I cannot be fully open with you, then there is no need to associate with you, especially if the opportunity of "friendship" loomed above us.

    With that said, I suppose one of the more "off-putting" qualities of myself to some types of individuals, namely religious, is that I am a humanist - a secular humanist. An atheist. I often imagine some shuddering at the terminology. Regardless, whatever you may be, I don't mind what it is. If you are religious, don't shove your ideology down my throat. If you are not, I will enjoy being with you in Hell if it exists. My bio on Chatous also referenced it. I'm not entirely sure if you saw it, though.