A Slow Dance With Reality

I'm So Sorry

The next day had gone about the same, only today Camila experimented, she sat where Lauren typically sat, wondering what the Cuban would do. And to her surprise, Lauren sat next to her. It sent something through the petite girl, a rush of some sort. She couldn't remember Lauren sitting so close to her before. Neither of them said anything, Lauren reached in her bag and began reading a book, though not actually paying the words any attention, and Camila focused on her breathing.

It was harder now, trying to create the perfect rhythm. She'd never focused on how she breathed regularly, so she wasn't sure what her normal was. Were they long deep breaths, or short quick ones? Were they even? Were they sporadic? Did she sniffle from time to time? She wasn't sure, but soon enough Austin walked in, scowling at Lauren and sat on the other side of Camila, wrapping a tight arm around her shoulders.

Breathing became natural then as her mind was put into a distracted conversation. She was still very aware of Lauren, and had even caught a few side glances thrown her way, but the two still never spoke to each other. Not a single word.

The only difference now was Camila noticed a boundary break with Lauren. They sat next to each other in History, and when Camila chose a random seat in Glee, Lauren chose the spot right next to her. Unfortunately for the two of them, Camila chose an end seat, leaving an infuriated Austin to ball his fists, approach Lauren, and demand she move.

She obliged without a word, opting for the seat directly behind Camila. And when Camila sang that day, a tune Lauren hadn't heard before for once, their eyes were glued to each other, a kind of charge there that otherwise wouldn't have existed.

Camila wasn't stupid, she had noticed that the bullying had died down, her life had gotten much easier and it all started when Lauren changed. Her knight was always there, and Camila was always safe. Always.

In the cafeteria where food was almost always thrown at her, she hadn't felt a single peck of a French fry, in math when Keaton once spit paper balls at her, she now only felt the itch to turn and look at him, expecting to be pelted the moment she did.

But it never came, and school grew comfortable. School grew fun. So much so, Camila felt this urge to thank her secret protector. Though she never knew how to go about it, the two still didn't speak. They probably never would unless Camila initiated the entire conversation, a thought that managed to terrify her. Lauren wasn't always the most approachable person on the planet, especially not now. The days you heard her speak were rare ones. And the days she did her voice was raspy and cold, not the same sound she once had. It wasn't warm with the knowledge of what being a minority felt like. It was distant, even from herself.

As if her own voice was outside her body. There wasn't any kind of attachment there any longer. Though how this happened nobody knew, and no one dared ask. Not even Normani nor Dinah. The two hadn't even tried. They knew better than to mess with a broken Lauren Jauregui, and could only hope whatever it was would get fixed eventually.

But it never did, and Camila began to wonder if it would, and why no one else was trying. Not even faculty. Though faculty hardly ever tried anymore. No one cared about the students, not with laws being passed that constantly threatened their jobs. Too much was on the teacher's plates for them to be able to properly focus on the signs of depression that had become so very clear in the raven haired girl over these couple weeks.

By Friday Camila had worked up the courage, she pretended to be staying after the club to practice; knowing Lauren would linger just a little longer. What she didn't expect was for Lauren to say she was staying behind too for cheer practice, to which Dinah scoffed and stormed out while Normani just sent her a sad frown with a hesitant walk out the door.