A Slow Dance With Reality

I Guess That's Where I'll Start

Friday morning was yet another rough one. Lauren had spent the hours she was awake to think of a plan to show Camila how beautiful she was, and then it was morning suddenly. Time passed and Lauren couldn't think of a single way that wouldn't look so...odd.

She wasn't gay, she just needed to show this to Camila. She needed to show her that she was gorgeous. Her nose was perfect. Her eyes were soothing. Her teeth were fantastic. Lauren had to work to be who she was, to look the way she did. Camila was that way naturally. The warmth Lauren found in those beautiful brown orbs came from the care that Camila exuded. The comfort she found in every touch stemmed from Camila's almost need to take care of whoever was around her. Camila was naturally beautiful in every way. If only Lauren knew how to show it without being caught. She didn't want Camila to hear it from her. She wanted it to come to Camila. She wanted Camila to see it too. Any compliment Lauren would give would only be smiled away and thanked for. But never believed.

Lauren continued to think over breakfast. The only interruption coming from her mother.

"You took my car."

"I had school."

"You didn't tell me."

"I figured you knew the day."

"I knew."

And the silence came again. Lauren kept her mouth shut as she felt the familiar ripping of her heart. Her mother needed her. That was all. But she would have never asked for Lauren. She knew that Lauren was grieving just as much as her. And Lauren should have seen this as well. But Camila.

"We could...do something later? There's a game tonight I have to be at, but...maybe dinner after?"

"I could come to your game."

Lauren froze, her spoon hanging between her fingertips over the bowl as she stared at her mother, who stared at the paper.

This is what it took? Her sister's death? It took her sister killing herself for Clara to want to know what Lauren did, for Clara to want to be a part of her life? It sent fury through Lauren's bones, and finally she dropped her spoon to her bowl and stormed out, heading for school twenty minutes before she even needed to leave.

She couldn't be there. She couldn't be in her mother's presence. She couldn't feel more jealousy over her sister. She wouldn't make it. It would kill her.

Camila.

She needed Camila.

Her father's truck sped once more to the school, much like earlier in the week, only it was almost as though the roles had been switched. Lauren rushing to Camila for salvation instead of rushing to play hero. Her Cheerios uniform felt tighter than normal, her chest heaved, panic settling in without any intentions of moving out. Her breathing was sharp, parking job horrible. Her car had spun over the slick wet ground from the previous night's rain, and was now parked in two spots, not that Lauren even noticed, or cared. All she cared about was getting out of her constricting clothing. Getting out of this car alive. She felt as if her chest was going to crush herself to death. Felt as though the world was caving in on her.

She hadn't heard the tapping on her window, her heaving too loud, add to it the pounding of her heart in her ears and Lauren could barely even hear her own thoughts.

Her sight hadn't caught the form that climbed into the car with her, and her body hadn't registered the small fingers on her arm until the stranger's own were wrapped tightly around her. Darkness surrounded Lauren as her eyes stayed clamped shut in her panic and her sorrow. Her chest heaved as if to shake the pain off her heart, and her nails dug into tan skin as Camila Cabello pulled the girl closer to her.