A Slow Dance With Reality

I Should Have Been Stronger For You

Family pictures plagued Lauren as she looked around the living room. To her right, photos of Camila and her fathers at a park when she was just a child. To her left, photos of her parents from a professional shoot. They were so happy. The truly perfect family. They didn't do anything for show. They were just honest to God that happy. You could tell in these photos. Their smiles aren't strained, the joy reaches their eyes instead of stopping at the corners of their lips.

The house itself was much warmer. It had the lived in feel. Slippers lay haphazardly by the arm chair before Lauren as she feels the pounding in her head begin.

The fireplace is full of logs, untouched but there for a purpose, unlike the dusted over logs in her own home. No one was home long enough to start one, let alone use it. The couches were lumpy from having been sat in so many times, the carpet had stains from years of living. Lauren wished her home was like this. She wished her home had the stains and the lumps.

Instead her house was spick and span. Not a stain in sight. Why would there be? No one used the coffee machine, everyone bought it on the run. No one made a homemade meal, Lauren made cereal, Clara had toast, and Mike hadn't been there to make much of anything. And when he did he chose the bland flavor of oatmeal.

The Cabello house was vastly different from the Jauregui house, and Lauren was envious of each one. Each portion that stuck out from what she herself had grown so used to seemed to be highlighted, as if to further point out how estranged her family really is.

Lauren could hear dishes clank in the kitchen, Camila tending to her like a mother should. It felt nice. As nice as Camila always felt. There was this...need it seemed. A need to be surrounded by Camila once more. The only girl that made Lauren safe again. The only girl that made her feel a sliver of anything anymore. Fear, joy, the faint urge to smile. That was all Camila, and Lauren was craving all of it. So much so she was about ready to stand before seeing Camila returning, her face coming from the kitchen doorway with a glass of water and something in her hands. "I'm not sure if you're the same, but I grow migraines after I cry. So we always have medicine on hand for sever headaches just in case."

"Do you cry often?"

Camila paused, her eyes locking to Lauren's. She sees it now, the regret, the pain. Something's happened and it's changed Lauren in a way her child couldn't. It's made her see exactly what she's done to people, or more specifically it seemed, Camila Cabello. "Not anymore." Camila assured, pushing the contents closer to Lauren who happily took them.

It would be a moment before the throbbing subsided, but at least she wasn't going a full day of school with one. "Thank you."

"Thank you."

Green eyes dart up to meet Camila's brown ones, and follow them as they level with her own, Camila sitting on the couch beside her. "You've been keeping the bullies away at school, yes?"

Lauren nods.

"Thank you. It means a lot."

"You shouldn't thank me." Lauren's voice is hoarse again, the exhaustion coming back now that Camila was close again. The comfort there to help Lauren feel less alert. If Camila was close, no one would dream of touching her. Lauren was almost like the cross to the bullies at school, and hopefully those nearby here as well.

"Why not?"

"A few good deeds doesn't make up for years of torment."

Camila's fingers run through Lauren's black hair again softly. Soothing the Cuban as she hears the tears draw closer. She's not sure what to say. Never in a million years would she expect this to be happening. Never in a million years would she expect Lauren to get so protective of her. To be so attentive to her feelings. It's heartbreaking to think of, and yet it's heartwarming all the same.

"Lauren...it means the world to me. I don't think you understand how much it means. And not just because you are protecting me, but because it's you. I'm not sure why, you haven't been my worst tormentor, in fact Dinah has said much worse things about me than you have, but it does mean a lot. I feel...safe with you now. I admit, at times I worry that the slushies will return and that you'll be there in the background watching, but it fades the moment I actually see you behind me at my locker. You've managed to become a kind of knight in shining armor for me. And even though we've never truly spoken about anything in particular, I view you as a friend. A good friend. So yes, a few good deeds do make up for everything because it means so much more to me than you know."

The tears threaten to fall, and for a moment Lauren almost lets them. But she's scared. She doesn't want to have a panic attack again. She wants to be surrounded by Camila. A thought she'd never even dream of before. However, if one thought about it, it made perfect sense. Camila Cabello was the only one who seemed to be there for the raven haired girl when she needed a person the most. Why not Camila? Why not the girl that had played doctor to Lauren in every situation she'd been through?

"Can we...in the truck..." words failed the girl, too afraid to ask for what she wanted but needing it now more than ever. The security, the safety, the warm arms. Life. Camila Cabello gave Lauren life when she was that close. That's what Lauren wanted. Her life back. The one Taylor somehow managed to steal when she took her own.

If Mike saw Lauren at this moment, he'd call her weak, asking to be held by another person. And by a person who had sinning fathers no less. He'd scold her, and then he'd say she should have been more like Taylor before she became a failure too. It almost slipped from his lips a few nights before. He had almost let the full sentence fall from those hated lips, but stopped himself at the sight of Clara. Truthfully she was his meal ticket, but he'd never admit it to himself.

"What is it, Lauren?" Camila asked, drawing the green eyed girl thoughts back to the present not only with her voice but with her hands. One on the top of Lauren's own, and the other cradling it. "Whatever you need."

You. That's what Lauren opens her mouth to say. You. Camila Cabello. I need you. I need your arms your strength. Dear God, I need your strength. Having to go through two years of torment, and who knows what else before then. Camila has to be the strongest girl, strongest person Lauren knows. "Just...sit, no lay. Lay with me?"

"On the couch? It's a tad small don't you think? I mean, I am of small size but I'm still not sure the two of us will fit, it's not the largest of­" Her words are cut off by Lauren's arms moving around her neck to pull her close to her. They tighten around her, sadder than before on the field. Lauren's nose buried into Camila's neck and there's another urge, to push them closer, to pull Camila even further into her own body. But there isn't any room. Lauren's pulled Camila in as far as she could go, so how could Lauren want more?

"You make me feel safe too. In the truck you...I..." her words trailed off, teeth worried her lip as she tried to think of a strong way to say this. But there wasn't any. There was no possible way of sounding strong and saying this sentence at the same time. This was the weakest Lauren Jauregui had ever been and she both hated and loved it. "I need you." She finally whispers, sighing at the end and tightening her grip. She doesn't want Camila to pull away and look at her. She doesn't want to see those surprised chocolate eyes. She just wants to be safe again, to be comforted again.

"O­okay."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Lauren."

"Promise?"

"Promise."