words i will never say in person

and so the caps flew as a heart dropped

it was the end and she knew it.

families from each side of the stadium smiles were as bright as the glowing lights, tears in their eyes, hugging their not so little ones anymore that were dressed in their gowns without caps that were freshly thrown. siblings looked in awe of their older, or even younger siblings as if they were the world. everyone wasn't ready for the next chapter.

she wasn't ready for what was next. she couldn't say goodbye.

in her dress, she walked along the sides of families who gave her a supportive smile and seemed to not mind a thing in the world. Her heels clicked slowly while her eyes wandered over to try to find the one she was looking for. this class, was never actually big at all, so she prayed that she could find who she was looking for.

and there he was.

his eyes stared at his family and his older sister who looked as if she had watched her whole world grew up in front of her as they posed for the stereotypical "parents hugging child while tears pour down their faces" pictures. he was so happy, they were so emotional. he looked no less beautiful than he was every time she saw him.

she waited patiently trying to not seem as if she had waited all year to talk to him again. she knew this day was coming, but she didn't want it to come so fast.

this couldn't be their last moment.

his family moved aside for a minute to talk to the parents next to them who apparently knew their son and the daughter who was graduating.

this was it.

"hi." she whispered almost silently as her brown eyes stared back at him.

"hello."

there was that smile she knew and fell in love with. one glance and she was still head over heels like how she saw him for the first time. all of her emotions gushed back at her like a endless river that she tried to close off.

"i didn't mean to disturb you or anything like that. but i just wanted to say congratulations. you know, for graduating high school and all that stuff." she smiled even more bigger and laughed quickly, which in her surprise, made him smile and slowly laugh with her.

"no, it's okay. thank you."

thankfully, she was able to hide the growing blush on her as she looked down. she didn't want it to end like this still, just a thank you and a goodbye. she needed a way to say how she felt without truly telling the truth.

"you know, i'm not really sure if you actually remember this, but one time i direct messaged you and told you that we didn't know each other, and i mentioned that you had nice pictures and that you seemed like a great guy." she crossed her arms and wobbled a little in her heels, keeping the big smile and her soft laugh.

"oh, that was you! i remember i read that on the bus from my last football game. you were, on the sidelines right next to me during the football games. i remember you." he said as he glanced over to the side, almost if he was remembering it so clearly.

"yeah! i hope you know that i never meant to, you know, freak you out or anything."

"no,no! it's fine! i took it as a major compliment, don't worry."

it was almost a brief moment of silence as they both stared blankly at each other. she would give anything to just tell him how she felt, or kiss him, or hold his hand, but it couldn't be like that at all.

it didn't feel right.

"well, i'm glad me from back then was right about something." she took a slow, deep breath and smiled again at him.

"you really are a nice guy."

he continued staring at her, but instead, his huge smile returned onto his face as she looked out into the distance. she didn't want him to see her blush or reveal anything but from the corner of her eye, she could still see him smiling at her.

the silence was back, her dress swayed in the artificial cold air while his gown flowed in the back. she looked into his brown eyes, imagining how everything could've gone differently. it was heart wrenching knowing the real truth, they would never work out. there he was, having a scholarship to a major college and there she was, still in her town's high school.

life had other plans.

but, feelings? oh yeah, they were definitely still there.

in the distance, she could hear others calling out his name. in the corner of her eyes, she could see his friends jumping up and down trying to get his attention almost to go take a picture. that was it. this was the final minute, final seconds. it was almost like a sign. it was saying "that was your last moment for who knows how long. is that what you wanted?"

she still felt like she wasn't satisfied yet.

he looked to the distance and smiled at his friends but looked back at her. she kept her only position she could keep without breaking down on the spot or looking at him with her sad, melancholy eyes.

"i should probably go see what's going on with them." he slowly smiled at her as she turned back to look at him. with all of her power, she didn't want to cry in front of him.

"wait-"

she had to do this unless everything would be bottled up again.

"before you go, can i ask you something?"

her voice almost shattered at the end while he nodded.

"just, promise me that you'll visit me if you ever come back."

she slowly but almost in a blur, walked over and by every miracle in the world, wrapped her two arms around him and gave him the only hug she really ever felt like giving anyone she had ever met before. everything was still, as she hugged him, the person who made games enjoyable to watch, the one who she made plans and counted down to see in the hallway for a split second, and who fell in love with at first sight, who became her first true love while he had no idea.

and then, she felt two arms wrap around her waist.

the alarm went off next to her.