Sweet Seducing Sighs

Pieces of Me... (INTRO)

First of all, a special thanks goes out to XxCappuccinoxX for making this book cover for me! <3

Before I go any further as to posting the most intimate details that rattle my brain, I first have to give you a little background information about me...Every since I could remember, I've always loved to write. Though I don't consider myself a professional, and I ALWAYS see room for improvement, I love to write. It is my muse. My form of comfort when nothing else was there to soothe my uneasy mind, during my troubling times.

A lot of people don't know this about me, only because I choose not to share the information. But, for a while, I stopped writing...completely. I guess I fell out of love with it. Or, maybe I was looking for some other coping mechanism. All I know is, I stopped. And at the time, I was in a relationship with someone, whom I thought I loved, and they loved me. Not knowing that the entire time, I was being taken for granted.

I don't want to go into the history of my relationship, but I think it is only fair that as a writer, I share a few details. Maybe...Just, maybe I can help some of my readers that are viewing this.

The relationship was...Hell. There is no other way I can describe it. You ever loved someone so much, that you start to lose value of everything you once knew? You ever found yourself trying so hard to change them to be a better person, that you end up changing yourself in the process? How about experiencing verbal, and physical abuse? What about that person you think loves you so much, yet, they're throwing their ex in your face constantly? I went through all of that, plus more.

There was one incident where him and I went to Walmart to buy a few items and look around. We were play fighting in the process. It wasn't that major where others were looking at us, but, we were playing on a few aisles...I remember we went to the aisle with the shampoo, and we are continuing to laugh, joke, hit one another....Bad idea. I don't remember exactly what happened, but, I'll take full responsibility. Maybe I did hit him a little too hard on his arm. But, I wasn't expecting the next reaction out of him.

His eyes darkened, and I could see the pure rage in them. Next thing I know, he slaps me like SUPER hard across my face. I mean, my face stung from the power and force behind his hand. Even if he was playing, the joke was no longer funny at this point. He never said he was sorry, he hit a little harder than intended, or, ask if I was okay for that matter...

I should've left. I should've listened when others told me to leave him alone, but, I didn't. I thought I saw potential. Yet, I stayed. I have taken that abuse for a little over a year. Nothing was ever his fault, and he constantly threw blame on others. One thing I've learned while being in a relationship with him is...If you're with someone who can't apologize when they fuck up, leave them alone! If they are always dragging people in the mud, and nothing is NEVER their fault, that is a huge red flag that they will do you the same way.

There is another story, that revolves around the time we met. When I first met this guy, he was homeless, and he was staying with some people that I knew at the time. He was adopted, and I was fully aware of that. He was in and out of home with the man that adopted him, and they were always in arguments. At the time, I really did think this man was hurting my boyfriend at the time...But as time went on, I've come to realize that my ex was actually the one doing things to get kicked out, then play the blame game. He gave me this sob story, about how he was abused by this man, and how he has stolen from him, etc...It was all a lie. He even went so far as to lying about being molested by some older cousins of his. All to make me feel sorry for him, and fall harder for him. And, like a dumbass, I did.

This relationship not only stripped me of my morals, but I lost my value. I lost...ME. I lost my family, which I thank God we have our bond back now. It took some time to move past this guy, and all the abuse he put me through. And when I finally had my son, I remember cleaning through some old things, and came across papers and stories I used to write. I even found pictures of Michael, and, I once again got that feeling I was missing for so long. Slowly, I was getting back into the groove of writing. The tranquility and escapism that came with it...Was blissful. I once again remembered why I loved doing what I do. I found myself.

Now, here I am, sitting before my computer sharing this because...I just want you guys to know a little about me, and why I post the things I post. I've always loved Michael. But during my relationship, I kind of let him go. Not because I liked him less, or, because my boyfriend at the time was so great, I guess I wanted to see what it was like to love with a whole heart. I now realize, that, no matter where I go in life, whom I may encounter, Michael will always have a piece of me...And, I a piece of him.

He wasn't perfect. But, he's perfect for me. I don't even think Michael knows how much he helped me in my coping phase from the nasty breakup I've experienced. But if he was still alive, I would hug him so tight, and tell him Thank you. Thank you for helping me, when it felt like I was living in this world alone.