Counting Stars(Book One/Noel's Story)

Ch. 02- Explanations

Ch. 2: Explanations

I woke up in the hotel room with Eric sleeping alongside side. I didn't remember how I got here, but I did remember going nuts because the elevator broke down. That damn elevator had awoken parts of me and nightmares I wished to keep buried deep down. Now Eric knew something, if he had put the clues together I don't know. I wanted Silver. I knew he was going to expect some type of explanation though and I wasn't sure if I could do it; but I needed one too. How come he stayed? I would've been perfectly fine if he had just told Silver that I had passed out in the hallway. Looking at the clock I noticed that it was only seven thirty in the evening. It wasn't as late as I had thought. Checking my phone I saw that I had a text from Silver.

From: Silver

Steve, Joe and I went to catch a movie since you and Eric disappeared on us. I'm happy for you girl and I hope he's the one to help you battle the demons. Use protection.

I rolled my eyes. It was nice to know that she cared so much about getting me laid. With a sigh I stood up and headed into the kitchen of the suite Silver and I shared and grabbed me a glass of grape juice and a bag of Doritos. After today I definitely needed my brand of comfort food. Sitting down at the table I grabbed a plate and some hot sauce. Every girl loves a little spice. After drowning my chips in hot sauce, I placed dorito after dorito in my mouth letting the day's events just wash over me. From the moment I sat down with him at the kitchen table until I passed out in the elevator he was there. He showed me that he cared even if it was only a little, and he didn't run away when he seen that I wasn't who he thought I was. That I had demons and those demons would forever haunt me. Now I had to decide if I wanted to tell him. I wondered if he should know that my demons were all based around abuse, both sexually and physically. I wondered how he would handle it; if he'd still be there or run away from me. If he'd make me feel like it was my fault like so many others had, or understand. However, I knew he'd be curious about the freak out in the elevator and even if I didn't want to, I knew it was best to finally tell someone. Someone that hadn't gone through it also. I just didn't want him labeling me as others had done.

I drank some of my grape juice as I tried to swallow the chips, my throat suddenly dry from all the crying. I tried to wipe my tears away, but it was pointless as more came. I pushed my comfort food away, which was no longer giving me any sort of comfort and laid my head on the table trying to silence my sobs. A moment later I was being picked up and carried back to my room. I hadn't even noticed him come into the kitchen. He sat on the bed with me in his lap and rubbed my back soothingly as I cried. I buried my head into his chest and just cried. I cried until I was nothing more than a couple of sniffles and a shaking body. I was felling numb, my eyes were swollen and my mouth was dry. I felt like I couldn't speak, but I knew I had too.

"Sorry for waking you."I mumbled my voice hoarse and barely over a whisper.

"You didn't I was just on my way to the bathroom when I heard you in there. So there's no need for apologies." His tone was soft, but it was obvious he was distant. Already he was shutting me out

and he didn't even know anything. I was tempted to just text Silver, but I knew she was with the guys. I couldn't be that selfish even though I felt like I really needed her right now.

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable." I said assuming he was just one of those people who couldn't handle other people crying.

"It's not that. It's just-" he stopped.

"Just what?" I breathed.

"They way you reacted in the elevator was not something I want to experience again. Ever. There was nothing I could do to calm you, I felt so helpless. So utterly confused. Nothing compares to the way you looked when I grabbed you though. There was so much fear in your eyes, it radiated from your body and got me to thinking just how little I know about you. I wasn't even sure you were you anymore. I mean yeah I know the little things like your favorite color is black. Your comfort foods are grape juice and Doritos, which is an odd combination but who am I to judge. I know that you love stuffed teddy bears and monkeys. That you tilt you head slightly when you listen to someone speak. That you have a crooked smile and would give your life to make your friends happy. I don't know what makes you tick though. What you dream about that makes you sweat and mumble in your sleep? What about small spaces freak you out so much? Why when you think no one is looking do you close your eyes and whisper 'I'm safe' to yourself? What scares you and why? Why do you feel alone? Why do you constantly have to remind yourself that you're safe? I don't know any of this and it pisses me off to know just how little I know about you." I stared at him for a minute in disbelief.