Steps into the past

Bad News

Who is jo I asked after alex turned away.
Oh Jo is/was Alex Girlfriend.
She is okay I like her.
But a lot of struggle happened and Alex punched jo's friend.
Omg what ? What happened to this guy and was happened to Alex ?
Oh deluca he is still alive and Alex
Got to work at the Denny Durquette clinic .
Meredith told me.
Oh that sounds terrible.
It was but we are here at Grey Sloan Memorial
The place were only bad things happens .
I looked at the time oh shit I have a appointment now, I have to go.
Meredith showed me the place where I have to go to.
While I we were on our way ,
Meredith asked me if I would like to eat dinner tonight at her house.
Oh I would love to.
So 7 pm at our old home you know the Residents home .
You still live there ? I said shocked
Yes again , it's a long story I have to tell you this part of my life later .
Okay I answered and went away .
As is went down the hall my stomach began to turn around , do you know the one smell when you imagine your life, this smell I can smell right now. It smelled like past a good time with my friends .
Of course in Texas I have friends too but not as close as my old ones.
My body felt powerless again,
Everything was quite inside me beside my heart my heart Beating like crazy .
I wasn't sure what to feel, on the one hand I was happy because of Meredith, Bailey and Webber and of course because of my daughter Hannah but on the other hand I felt like I should cry, I was so scared not only because of Hannah more than because of the uncertain.
As I entered Hannah's room her adopted parents were standing next to me.
Hello we're so happy that your here.
Her mom told me while she was giving a hug to me.
Oh of course I'm here.
As I looked into the room I sawed a bed without Hannah inside.
Oh Hannah has to go to the toilet she will be back soon, she wants to see you is this okay for you ? She asked me .
Of course I would like to see her.
As a mother who gave away their children you always think about your first meeting.
What will I say what will she say , will she be mad at me or maybe she hates me ?
So many thoughts I had , my heads began to sweat.
She opened only a crack of the door,
Is she there she asked her mother Caroline,
I heard her tremulous voice.
Yes come out Caroline answered.
Hannah opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom.
I looked at her, I saw her Anxious look.
She is wonderful, she had cute blue little eyes ,
Read creeks and no hair
But she looks still wonderful.
I wasn't sure what to say so I gave her a present that I used to buy at the airport.
I hope you still like pigs I said .
I had given her a cute little pig to cuddle.
Oh thanks of course pig are my favourite animal she answered.
She looks skinny and tired.
We talked a lot she asked me a lot of personal questions.
Then we talked about her Disease I told her that I had cancer too.
Stage IV metastatic melanoma with metastasises to the liver, brain and skin
Cancer.
We talked a lot about surviving and how to live life, as doctor Bailey enters the room.
I have news for you can we talked outside she asked Hannah's parents.
They went out , I was alone in a room with my daughter I saw her glassy eyes her skin turned pale and her Hands began to shake.
I saw her fear.
Hannah you don't have to worry we are fighters everything will be okay.
Trust me I'm a doctor who was sick too.
They told me I have to die but I never give up so think positive everything will be okay
Maybe not yet but I promise you it will be fine .
I had to stay strong for Hannah,
But I felt like i need to cry,
I never expected that this is going to get so hard for me.
Her parents enters the room.
I saw Caroline's whiny face,
Her dad told me that I should go now, so I got up and was on my way as Hannah shouted my name with her cute little voice.
Izzie please stay , I'm sacred
Everyone said there understands me
But they don't.
No one knows how I feel how scared I'm
I am in pain you are the only one who understand this so please stay .
I looked right throw her parents They nodded at me .
So I was standing next through them as Bailey told them that Hannah had a brain Tumor.
I saw Hannah's face she did not want to let the fear go but I saw her fear.
The room began to become quite and warm
Everyone was scared and depressed.
We will operate you tomorrow she told Hannah.
After a while Dr.Bailey went out of the room
I followed her.
Dr. Bailey I have to operate her please let me help her!
NO, you're a Part of her family you are emotionally attached to her.
She said in a strickt voice.
I know, she is my daughter but
I have to help her, you can't understand how it feels to leave someone alone that you love,
And to met him after a few years and to see that this person will die and you're just standing there and not being able to do something.
I started crying.
Izzie I'm sorry but you can not operate her, you have to trust the other doctors.
All you can do is to pray for her, and be there when she needs you.
She went away.