Depression, Anxiety, and suicide

A short note

This is for others I know...if they even will read it.

My depression:

My depression is the monster living under my bed, it haunts me every night and mostly when I'm alone. Yet, it's  a mothering figure, the only thing there to hold me when I'm hurt and it sings me a comforting lullaby...a lullaby of death. My depression has split personalities, a haunting, terrifying, and dreadful one. And a beautifully comforting, yet deadly one. It will never leave me alone.

My depression is a haunting spirit, it haunts the empty hall ways of my mind and scares anyone out of that dreadful dark place that I call my head. It cleans all the good thoughts out of my brain and neatly displays my negativity for all to see. 

My depression holds me down to my bed in the morning, not allowing me to get up to do things, it clears away any motivation I had and keeps me down with a heavy weight.

My anxiety:

My anxiety is haunting me for my every waking moment, it keeps telling me I'm not good enough and is controlling my life. It wont allow me to order because I keep mumbling and not saying things clearly. It holds me back when I have and answer to something, because it might be the wrong answer. It forbids me to ask questions because I'm so fucking scared of seeming stupid

My suicidal thoughts:

These thoughts were caused by my depression and anxiety. Each thought is a knife going into my brain, and killing me slowly. These thoughts are pushing me closer to the edge and are forcing me to jump off. I haven't attempted suicide because I'm to scared to find out what happens if I fail and someone finds me. 

They reassure me that no one will care when I die, so no one will be in pain. But at the same time that terrifies me because, then I'll get to see how much of a waste of space I really was.

My hell:

This is my hell, take a seat and don't tell. For you fell for a spell that I cast. I sent your down a spiraling loop between hoops of your own broken hopes and dreams, where you know life isn't as it seems. Welcome to my hell, isn't it nice? It's a good place to lay down and die, you'll be comfortable here and you'll have no fears. I'll grant you any wish my dear. This is my hell and I'm in control, your supposed to do as your told. So instead of getting out of bed, stay there a while. Cry yourself to sleep in a blanket pile. Welcome to hell, there's no red flames, in fact you see normal people every day! But their all walking, and your drowning. I'll save you if you stop screaming and pounding. This is my hell, where you belong.  Trust me, no one will notice your gone. No one will care, there's no need to fear...after all you do belong here. Welcome to hell, where satan doesn't exist, in fact neither do devil...none of that shit. I'm your only killer, and only lover as well... so I'll say it one more time, welcome to hell.