Berwald Oxenstierna and the Road Trip From Hell

Chapter 8

If Tino hadn't declared the dog as his and threatened anyone who touched it with a painful death, they honestly might have eaten it.

It had been way too long since Berwald's last meal and the hunger had just caught up with him. And it wasn't just him. Mathias had started eyeing Emil's puffin up, and even after an in-depth conversation about what puffin would taste like, still tried to grab the bird every time Emil looked away.

And so Berwald was now in a pizza restaurant- dressed as a woman- and surrounded by multiple idiots and the cutest thing he had ever seen in his life.

And he wasn't talking about the dog.

If Berwald's brain was a dictionary and you looked up the definition of 'perfect', you'd find a picture of Tino. (On another note, if you looked up the definition of 'annoying' you'd find a picture of Mathias, although if Berwald's brain really was a dictionary, he would of burnt that page long, long ago). Tino was also the definition of TINYSMALLADORABLE until Hanatamago had turned up.

It had turned out that another one of Tino's quirks was his strange naming habits. It apparently meant flower-egg in Japanese, which was definitely a questionable name but was a lot better than his first suggestion of Antidisestablishmentarianism .

Berwald wasn't even sure that was a real word.

Unfortunately, his contemplation of whether Tino was just messing with them was cut short by the fact that he was suddenly assaulted by the strong scent of pasta. Someone was way closer to his face than he would have liked, and Berwald wasn't sure whether he should be more concerned by the fact that the man didn't seem to know about the concept of 'personal space' or the fact that even though his eyes were closed, the man could see perfectly fine.

"Ve~ Are you ready to order?"

Oh.

He was Italian.

That would explain a lot.

"I would highly recommend the pasta! I made it myself!" said the waiter, finally stepping back and giving Berwald some space.

"I'd like to try the pasta!" said Tino, breaking the awkward silence that had already been forming in the few seconds that the waiter had been waiting for a reply. The waiter grinned in response, before motioning for the rest of the table to order.

"Pasta for me as well." Lukas eventually put his menu down and ordered.

"P'sta." Muttered Berwald, still not having forgiven the Italian for his earlier intrusion on Berwald's thoughts.

"Do you guys do pizza?" asked Mathias, raising his eyebrows at the waiter. Berwald rolled his eyes. In the amount of time that they'd taken to get get to the restaurant, his definition of a feminine voice seemed to have changed substantially. He'd put an even higher voice on, and due to his already high voice, the result was a disaster,

To put it simply, he sounded like a chipmunk on helium.

"Sì!" said the waiter happily. Berwald narrowed his eyes and tried to read the name tag pinned to his chest. His appalling handwriting wasn't easy to read in the slightest, and Berwald could barely make out the name 'Feliciano' and what appeared to be a small drawing of a white blob with a face and a curl sticking out of the side of it's head. It was certainly an... interesting piece of art.

"Then I'll take that!"

"I'll have pizza too." muttered Emil, with a dark look in his eyes, "But if a piece of pineapple even looks at it, I will find out, and your death will be painful and involve fridges and those man-eating titans Leon texted me about."

Feliciano paled and made an audible gulping sound, "Uh, s-sure! I'll b-be back shortly!" He turned around so fast that Berwald though he might get whiplash, and all but sprinted back towards the kitchen.

Mathias whistled, "Wow, Emi, I didn't know you could be so violent!"

"It's good to see that you can protect yourself, little brother." grinned Lukas. Berwald was slightly taken aback by the sudden expression on the man's normally neutral face.

Emil frowned, "Don't make fun of me. I just really hate pineapple on pizza, and okay maybe the death threat was a bit much, but people never take me seriously."

To Berwald's surprise (or not, he was starting to get used to the strange personalities of the people he'd spent the past two hours with), Tino nodded in agreement with the Icelander, "Don't be ashamed, Emil, death threats are perfectly normal! If I were you, I would have made the punishment a lot more graphic."

Naturally, Mathias had to know just how graphic Tino's murder threats could be, which led to a discussion on the best way to murder someone. They only noticed that a blond man with gelled back hair was standing by their table when he coughed to get their attention.

"I have to ask you to leave." he said, a strong German accent afflicting his words.

The table was silent, taking in the news. Then Mathias spoke up.

"What? Why? We haven't done anything and we've been waiting here for at least 20 minutes for our food!"

"It's m're like f've." Said Berwald. Mathias glared at him, starting to speak again but was cut off by the German, who's name tag declared him as 'Ludwig'.

"You've scared away most of our customers, you're so loud that we've had complaints from the shops either side of us, and you threatened my boyfriend." he said, crossing his arms. Behind him, Berwald finally noticed a quivering Feliciano.

"But we're really hungry...." whined Mathias, ignoring the fact that everyone else felt awkward and had started to leave.

"We can provide you with a pizza if you leave!" squeaked Feliciano, and Mathias looked up from moping.

"Deal!" He said, holding his hand out for the Italian to shake. Feliciano ignored him, producing a pizza from seemingly nowhere and handing it to the Dane.

"This?" Said Mathias, frowning at the box and making exaggerated squinting faces. Lukas rolled his eyes and dragged Mathias from the restaurant, ignoring his protests.

Before long, they were back on the road again, in exactly the same positions they had been in ten minutes ago, only slightly hungrier and with a box of pizza.

Tino, who had somehow wrestled the box out of Mathias's grip, opened the lid slightly.

And froze.

"Wh'ts wrong?" Asked Berwald, glancing towards Tino's panicking face. Tino only gulped and showed the pizza to the occupants of the car.

There was an enraged scream and the pineapple pizza flew out of the window.