My dear boss Zayn

Take a shot for me*

Chaos. I thought I had an idea about what means chaos, but definitely I don't. You think it is just like a movie, but life, real life is not just like a movie. You have a preconceived idea about pretty much everything, and even things you haven't experienced yet. Like you know how it is going to happen. But there are things you are not prepared for, especially when it includes violence and death.

I'm standing there,  under the table with Zayn by my side, surrounded by the noise of the bullets.

I'm frightened, petrified like I've never been before and I'm holding him tight as my tears run all over my cheeks. My body is shaking and my lungs are getting thinner as I can't breathe properly. I can't think, my brain doesn't seem to process anything because I feel like I'm going to die tonight. Deep down, my conscience is telling me that today is the day I die. I'm looking at Zayn desperately, but he doesn't seem to be scared or at least he doesn't show me. There is something about him, something telling me this is not the first time for him. I'm holding him so strong he might lose his arm but instead he takes my face between his hands and tries to reassure me.

"I'll be back, okay ? Just don't move." He says, his voice soft. I frown and stutter, my voice breaking under the pressure almost unable to speak.

"What ? Where ? Zayn don't leave, don't leave me !" I take his hand to hold him against me, crying my eyes out. I would do anything to keep him next to me right now.

"I'll be fine," he strokes my hand gently and lifts up his shirt where is hidden a gun against his skin, the same gun I saw earlier. He takes it between his hands and put a finger on the trigger, carefully. Shivers run down my spine and my eyes are wide open as I'm quite shock to see him holding it, "just stay right here."

And then he leaves me here, holding on the thin thread that is called life. I take my face between my hands, trying to rationalize things but all I can think about is that Zayn is going to die. I should have said something, I should have begged him to stay with me but he is gone.

The sound of the bullets is ringing out all around me and it looks like time has stopped, everything is slow. I'm barely able to breathe and I feel like I'm going to lose consciousness. Each noise makes my back stiffen a little more and my heart breaks. I put a hand on my chest, telling myself everything is going to be fine but I'm shaking from head to toe, completely paralyzed. I just want everything to stop. All I wanted was to spend time with him, how did we end up this way ? How did we end up in the middle of a gunfire ?

I'm sitting on the ground, moving back and forth to try to calm myself down but nothing's working. One second feels like one minute and one minute feels like one hour. As I am on the ground not able to do something, I pray in my head asking for help. I pray God will save us, I ask him to let us live a few more years.

I feel like my life is flashing before my eyes and that I have to say goodbye to all the people I love. My fingers are bleeding as I'm biting my nails, unable to control myself. I might as well die from a heart attack right now, and maybe it would be preferable, I thought. So many dark thoughts run across my mind and I'm starting to feel dizzy when someone lifts the tablecloth suddenly. My heart skips a beat and stops, thinking this is the end, time is suspended.

But then, Zayn bends his head to be able to see me. I breathe again, he's alive.

"Come with me," he shouts but I don't move as I'm completely paralyzed, "come on ! Take my hand !" He screams to me and extends his hand for me to take it.