My dear boss Zayn

I got your back

I can't sleep tonight. I am laying on the floor with my feet still bare, holding my head between my hands and the air in my lungs seems to get thicker each time I'm breathing. I try to inhale and exhale many times in order to slow down my heartrate and avoid an heartattack with my hand on my chest. My back hurts for being in this position for many hours now, my body getting cold but I don't make a move. I am thinking, a lot.

I am just so scared right now.

First, how the hell things escalated so fast. It is like I'm barely understanding what is going on. I can see him still, even when I close my eyes and try to get rid of these thoughts that I have. I can see his eyes still and the way he was trying to talk to me through them. I can hear his voice still, his shaky voice begging me for help. But I just ran away.

In fact, I barely understood what Jude told me tonight, everything happened so fast. I was only going back home when he jumped over me and kind of assaulted me. I didn't really understand what he was saying, he talked about his apartment and how it got wasted because of "them". He begged me to help him, begged me to hide him too. It hurts to see people you care about being this desperate, but for a moment I got scared and even thought that maybe he was going to hurt me.

I don't know, at that moment there was something about him that frightened me. I got scared and I just shut the door hoping he would leave me alone, not wanting to be a part of this mess. But when I tried to close it he ran after me and knocked on my door with violence. I can hear again the sound of his fists and the walls shaking under the pressure. I can hear him crying and begging me to let him in, but when he saw that I wasn't answering he just ran away and I rushed to lock the door.

I just have a bad feeling about this, like I can't even trust my neighbor or whoever I encounter.

Maybe I should try to have an open mind and weigh the pros and cons of both sides. Perhaps I'm just overthinking and Jude was only having a bad time, it happens to everyone. But, what if he comes back to me ?

Billions of questions cross my mind and when I check the clock it is already 5 p.m. As I am all sweating and as it is almost time for me to go to work, I decide to have a shower. At least I won't be late this morning.

**

I run towards my office quickly, hoping that I won't see anyone, especially not Zayn, especially with my zombie face. But today, it seems like God wants to play games as I hear someone knocking on the door and I can already feel who's knocking. I strengthen my back and put a fake smile on my face ready to welcome him. But when Zayn opens the door I suddenly blush and feel embarrassed even if I knew it was going to be him. Typical.

"Uh hi, Mr.Malik." I barely say.

"Oh come on Candice, call me Zayn by now." I nod and smile politely, looking at my screen waiting for him to ask whatever he was about to ask. "Could you check my schedule, I know I have a meeting but I don't remember when."

"Sure..." I don't even look at him as I'm trying to avoid his eyes. I wish I was invisible today. To be honest I don't really know how to behave after what happened between us, I want to kiss him again but I have to show him that I'm respectable too, tough situation you know.

"Candice ? Everything's fine ?" He says suddenly, "you look a bit... elsewhere ?"

"I know I look awful today Zayn," I sigh, "that's just my face, get over it."