Grateful Angel(On Hold)

3:00

"Shy...Shy...get up."

My eyes shoot open and take in my surroundings. I look over to the clock and see it's 3:03. I try to get up but my body protests strongly making me flop back down. Many groans escape my mouth as I try to talk. Once I'm fully awake the pain comes all at once almost paralyzing me.

"Baby, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Forgive me....forgive me. please...forgive me....I'm sorry...so sorry."

I turn my aching head and find him laying next to me wide eyed. I want to reach out to him and tell him I'm alright but pain shoots through my hand when I try to.

" Karim? What did you do to me?" My voice comes out hoarse and dry. I try to clear my throat but it hurt to try.

" I'm sorry baby. Forgive me."

I try to move my legs but pain overtakes them too. Panic starts to rise in my heart and now my head is throbbing.

" Karim! It hurts all over! What did you do to me?!"

"Baby, I love you. A-a-and t-t-t-that's why I was making love to you. You fell asleep s-s-so I got mad. But baby I'm so sorry...forgive me...say you forgive me."

Im speechless. I can't move my fucking body. He fucking beat me just cuz I went to sleep? It was goddam near 1! My thoughts are cut short because of him shaking me.

"Say it! You forgive me right?"

" I f-forgive you." Lies. I know Im lying. I didn't forgive him since day one. In a way, he knows too.

"Thank you thank you thank you....... You know what? I'm gonna make you breakfast."

"Karim, it's 3 in the morning."

"So what?"

He leans in for a kiss. I hesitantly kiss him on the lips. After a second, I delve into him. He's taken aback by my thirst for him considering what he did but says nothing.

I want this to last forever. Our mouths intertwine and our tongues dance with each other. The feeling in my arms somehow come back and I push him further into the kiss. My body awakens with this new energy and now I'm all in. I'm very disappointed when he pulls away. My lips linger near his for a few seconds more.

"I love you." The words slip out. I curse in my head. But I can't deny that I do love him. I wait for his response and am surprised to hear what he says.

" No you don't, but it feels good to hear it."

I feel no reason to prove him wrong because no matter what I do, he will always think I don't love him.

"Still up to make breakfast," I ask him changing the subject, "How about you cook. We just have to make sure not to wake up Lilac."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Go ahead, I'll take a quick shower."

"Don't get cold feet."

I give him a smile while he walks out the door. I wobble to the shower and turn on the hot and cold water. I strip off my clothes and look into the mirror. I see bruises all over my body and wince when I touch them. I rip my eyes away from the mirror and get into the shower. I let the water run down my curves and touch my bruises. It does hurt but it is the price to pay to keep this family together. I turn the cold knob down making the water hotter. I keep turning it until the water is scorching my skin. The pain is familiar so it doesn't burn anymore. If I bruise all my body, the bruises go away. I finish washing up and put on my change of clothes. I keep the water running while I apply makeup to my face. I turn everything off and rush downstairs. My nose is instantly greeted by beef bacon, toast, and potatoes. Where he got the energy to do this...I have no idea. I walk over to a plate and pick up a piece of bacon.

"Hey, dont eat it all." He warns. I chuckle to myself.

"It was one, calm down."

"Wanna come help me make the eggs?"

"Sure."

I walk over to the stove and stand in front of him. He puts his arms around me and cooks the eggs, guiding my hands with his.

I feel his eyes on me and I look up meeting them. I turn back to the eggs wondering what's going on in his head.

" What?"

He takes a deep breathe and smiles, looking away. "Nothing...nothing at all."

We finish cooking soon and while he eats, I make my plate. I pull up a seat and start to eat next to him.

"Shy?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry." My head snaps over to him.

"For what?" Everything.

"Everything." Exactly.

"You dont have to be sorry. I already forgave you." My voice is low and soft. I can feel our happy mood slipping away.

" I just dont know what goes through my head sometimes. I hurt you and...I dont want to. Do you get it?"

No, I dont. If you dont want to,then dont. I sigh as I look down at my food.

"I better clean up."

He sighs knowing his answer. I walk over to the sink and start cleaning the small amount of dishes.

"Shy, I swear I'm trying to get better. For you, for Lilac." I can hear the tears in his voice but I'm not going to turn around.

"I know. But dont do it for us. Do it for you. Do it so you can sleep at night."

"I've given up on myself. You and Lilac are the only reason I'm still here."

I sigh again and slowly turn around to face him. His head hangs awkwardly at an angle. I look him straight in the eyes. "What do you want me to say Karim?" He just sits there quietly.

I turn back around and finish the dishes and wipe down the counter. "I'm going to bed. Karim, I believe you. Just make the right decisions and you won't be so disappointed. Okay?"

He looks in my eyes to see if I am sincere. I give the hardest look I can. "Okay."

"Goodnight. I'll see you in a bit." I walk over and give him a kiss. He seems reluctant to agree with me or even take my advice. It would have to do though.

I did good today. He didn't get too mad  considering and we didn't wake up Lilac like we usually do. I walk into our bedroom and strip off my clothes. I lay down and pull the covers up to my eyes. Hopefully, I can sleep for a little more.

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-Kamora