CHASE ME | DISCON.

SIX

Andromeda

Memories flood my heart and mind, flashing images of a boy; a boy only a few years older than me, with a dazzling smile, dark eyes, and a mess of curls that could never be tamed. The same boy in front of me now.

I sit in the corner of the cell in front of the chair, watching as he slowly awakens. He's bloodied and bruised, but I can't see anyone other than the eighteen year old fool I loved like a brother.

He turns his head slowly, looking at me with general disinterested, "What are you doing here?"

I wipe my face with my hands, feeling the drying streaks where tears had been, "I wanted to talk with my friend, give him one last chance to give up." Dameron's stubbornness has already landed him an appointment with Ren later, and I don't want to send him through that if I can. He was my friend, and I'll be damned if he isn't now.

He doesn't even think about what I'm asking, "You... remember me?"

Oh, no.

He thinks I don't remember him, he thinks I'm just like the rest of them: heartless and uncaring of what happens to him. But the truth is that it's hard to think about anything other than him. After that moment on the transport when he told me his name, the memories just kept resurfacing. I don't know how I ever forgot this man.

"How could I not?" I murmur, a mere ghost of a smile playing at my lips.

He sees it, but he doesn't make it last, "You just... acted like you didn't. There was nothing I could see. You looked at me like...like you hated me."

I stand from my corner, walking over to the chair and leaning in close. He looks me straight in the eyes, and I look straight back, "I have every reason to hate you, Dameron, but if it looked like I did it wasn't real. I have to keep a straight face, it's survival of the fittest, here. An ounce of empathy or single tear can get you sent to reconditioning. For thirteen kriffing years, I've had to hold everything in. You don't understand, and you never will. I've been through hell and back again, and if there's one thing I know about surviving, it's that you never let your guard down."

"You've changed, Andi." He breathes, his eyes never moving.

I'm the first to break, tearing my gaze away, "Maybe I have." My breath hitches, and I move behind the chair so he doesn't have to watch me cry. I have changed, for the worse. I'm harder, colder, and far too unstable. After all these years, my emotions are wearing thin. There's a storm constantly brewing in my gut, but I've painted the perfect image on the outside. It shows a strong, confident woman, one with the lethality to get the job done, but the war inside is just as deadly.

"I came to give you one last chance," I say, careful to keep the emotion out of my voice- like I've done so many times before, "before they hurt you anymore, to give up."

There's a brief silence from him before he speaks, "I'm not giving up the map," he's firm and confident as he continues, "not to you, not to anyone."

"Tell that to Ren. You've landed a personal interrogation with him."

"I can take it-"

"No," I move in front of him, "you can't. Ren will get that information out of you one way or another. Please, Dameron, can't you see I'm trying-" I don't get another word out before the comlink in my pocket begins to beep. I yank it out, hearing Hux's calm and commanding voice as I activate it.

"Keel-"

"Yes, sir."

"I have a report I need you to run. I presume you're not far from my office?"

I try not to hesitate, "No, sir."

"Excellent. Make it quick."

"Of course-" I don't have time to add "sir" before the comm clicks off.

I look up to see Dameron glaring at me, "So this is what you left home for? Running errands for generals?" He scoffs, "I thought I knew you better than that."

"And I, you." Is all I have time to spit out before I'm halfway out the door, quickly making my way to the General's office.

*****

The quarters are empty at the moment- but that doesn't matter. I look at myself in the mirror, wondering where I went wrong. I'm still in full uniform, and I take the officer cap off numbly, looking down at the First Order symbol. I never thought I'd end up here, in this hellhole.

I look back up to see my cheeks have reddened, eyes brimming with inevitable tears. I don't try to hold them back. Reaching back, I take out the clips in my hair, freeing it from the tight bun it had been restrained in. It drapes over my shoulders in waves, falling down to my stomach. I've only cut it a few times over the years. I manage to channel my emotions into combing through it fiercely, pulling out a few strands in my haste.

The uniform comes off next.

I yank the boots off my feet, unbuckling the belt and tossing the rest of the clothes unto a nearby bed until I wear nothing but the undergarments beneath- a plain white tank top and grey leggings.

When I turn back to the mirror I see someone else. With my hair down and uniform gone, I'm Andi- not Officer Keel, not anyone else. Just Andi. It's comforting, knowing I can still be my old self. At the end of each day, it becomes harder and harder to relax. But today, after seeing Dameron, I can finally think. He makes me human again, reminding me of everything I used to have.

Everything I left behind.

And when I look in the mirror and see myself, I know it's not who I need to be. The tears that fall shouldn't be there, the dark circles under my eyes should be gone. When I see myself, I see Dameron beside me, his arms wrapped around me. He's every embodiment of home- of what I had.

The more I think of him the more I know I have to leave this life behind. It's destroying me, from the inside out. I can't be Officer Keel much longer- I need to be Andi again. I need to get out-

I need a pilot.