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aria's funeral was attended by almost everyone in their grade. even some of the racist teens came, who finally admitted to how stupid it was and realized that they were only doing what they were taught to do by their parents. chandler was quiet and spoke to no one, face sullen and eyes watery but he did not cry. he was not crying in front of these people. these strangers who hadn't bothered to be there for her in life, but were there for her in death.

chandler's mom spoke at the funeral they held a little away from the nearby cemetery. some other students spoke in regret for not being there but said that they were here now ("as if that was going to help" chandler had said). they all gathered around her grave as they lowered her into the ground. that was when it really hit chandler. a heavy weight began to weigh him down. it was like stones had been slipped into his flesh because it became to heavy for his bones to lift up; so he fell to his knees, pant clad legs dirtied by the soil beneath their feet. and he cried.

his mother and father joined him, holding him in their arms and sobbing with him. they were the only who could've felt like that while the others –teary eyed themselves but mostly from the guilt gnawing at their hearts– and they watched them. because all you could do was watch. watch them grieve while you were eaten away at by guilt.

all they did was watch. watched as she was bullied, tortured and degraded in fear of punishment. well, this was their punishment for watching: guilt.

"she didn't...deserve–" hiccups "–this."

she didn't, they all think. more guilt. just more and more and more. there was no lessening of this shame from watching as another got beaten for something that wasn't their fault. abused because of the melanin that bloomed beneath their skin.

that's all we do. watch as things happen. watch as the earth withers away beneath our feet, as selfish politicians take office and rid you of your money, as someone is robbed, killed, beaten because we're too afriad to speak. all we do. all we will always do. and because of our silence, we put ourselves and our families in danger of being next.

"no one deserves this."

and they felt guilty some more.

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