Sunny and Alex

Gone

I'm running home letting everything fall out of my backpack. I trip in the potholes getting up each time. I cry and cry knowing what is coming next. I shouldn't have ever gone to Alex's house. I knew something like this would happen, I just knew. I run up my front lawn using my hands crawl up so I wouldn't fall over. I trip up the broken steps letting my bloody knees scrape the edge. I stand at the door waiting for my body to turn the knob. I open the door every so slowly. I let the tears run down faster and faster. I look up to the top of the stairs. There...my father stands with a beer in one hand and...a belt in the other. I know what the belt means, I've seen it several times before. I set down my bag and trudge up the stairs. My father just stands there not saying anything just drinking his beer. He chucks the bottle at me as I head up the stairs. It shatters on top of my head letting glass rain on my hair. I fall back a step holding my head. Blood covers my hand as I climb higher and higher. When I reach the top of the stairs, my father, grips my shirt and pulls me into my bedroom. My shirt starts to tear pulling it off of my body. I fall into my room, legs twisted together and my head staring at the floorboards. I turn my head to see my father grip his belt tighter. He pulls it over his head cracking it against my back. I scream out in pain as he hits harder and harder. He yells about how disrespectful and untrustworthy I am. He says that I was the one that made my mother kill herself. He hits harder and harder the more he yells. I can feel my skin tear and rip from the end of the belt buckle. The end is leaving big holes all over my back.

I've been through the belt, the belt has been part of my whole childhood. Even when my mother was alive he would beat me with his belt. Now that she is gone he can do more than just a belt. I start to think that I actually did kill my mother. I mean I did do bad things, and that made my father beat me. It was all my fault...he was just being a good father. I should have listened to my father when I was younger. I should learn from my mistakes. I really did kill my mother...and I can't change the past...she was gone because of me. I'm the monster, not my father...it was never him only me. I was the disease that was killing my family. This is my punishment...I deserve every bruise, burn, scar, and blood that has poured from my body.

My father goes into his pocket digging out his knife. He flips it up so I can see the newly sharpened blade. He goes along my back right down my spine. Pushing hard letting the blood flow out. He does it again and again down my back. I scream louder each time. My dad kicked my side and told me to shut the fuck up. If I get the cops called again to our house...I would be dead before they ever got to me. He says that if I don't shut up he will grab his knife right into my stomach again and again. I stop screaming and try to keep all my feelings down. I stop crying too, I stop all emotions. Everyone...I'm mentally gone. And I will be gone for the rest of this. I can see my mother again telling me that it was all my fault. She said that dad was right and he will always be right. She killed herself because of me. If my dad didn't beat me because of my mistakes then she would still be here. It was my life and mistakes that got her killed. He continued for another hour or so. I couldn't feel anything so I didn't really know when he actually stopped. Before he left he let the blood drip off the end of the belt watching it. Then he saw me looking at it and hit me in the head with the end of the belt. I was now really gone.

I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing on my bedside table. I could barely move, using my hand and some of my legs to crawl to my bedside table. The blood had all dried creating a stiff film of my back making it hard to move. I grab my phone using every ounce of energy I have left. Three missed calls and five text messages. They're all from Alex. I check my voice mail. Alex's voice comes on.                                                                                                                                                                 "Hey, Sunny are you coming to school today? I'm sorry if I did anything to you. I didn't mean anything. Are you alright?," His voice was shaky. No, I wasn't going to school and I'm not alright. It is not your fault you did nothing wrong. Another voice mail starts, "Sunny I need you to pick up your phone. Sunny? School is starting soon. Do you need a ride or do you need me come? Just please call me back," Tears run down my face. I can't call, you can't come here, and I shouldn't have ever met you, "Sunny, please! I can't keep calling if you don't want me to talk to you just say it. Pick up...okay...if you don't call I understand if you don't want to talk to me." Voice mails ended. I can't talk to you Alex. You don't understand what is happening to me. I just want to talk to you please don't give up on me. I lay my head on the floor crying. It really is all my fault...everything. Then I'm gone again...