Sunny and Alex

All Before That

I pushed out the front doors of the police station. I couldn't bring myself to go back in there and continue my life story. They would never believe me anyway. Now I'm walking back "home" to do what I was always wanted to do. Die. It sounds silly, I know, but I can't see people look at me like I'm a child. I have suffered my whole life and no one is looking to help me recover. I know there are Alex and his family, but what about the actual people. The police, the hospital, my own fucking school. I guess they thought it was all a joke or they didn't want to get involved in it. I am getting myself worked up about nothing. When Officer James runs out the front door to find me. He grabs my shoulder to make me stop. I tense up and swivel back towards him.

"Sunny, I get it. I know why you can't stand us. We have what we have and I promise you I will personally put this man in jail. I'm so sorry that we couldn't do anything before. I told everyone, but they didn't want to help, and I could have been fired if I helped. I know that doesn't help you at all, but you can go now. To be honest I would have been gone a long time ago if I was you. Now really listen to me, Sunny. Fuck. Just don't blame yourself for all of this. All right?" he stood there both hands on my shoulder staring right into my eyes. I blinked and he left. Did he basically just give me his blessing to die? What the fuck?

I thought long and hard about what he had said to me. I wasn't sure if I should be mad at him or thankful. I had already planned on going out, but Officer James really left me guessing. I didn't want to think about it anymore. My stomach started to hurt after what he had said. I was a block away from home when I fucking blew out my whole insides right onto this dipshits lawn. Vomit went everywhere, running down into the gutter a few feet away. I regained my composure and got home. Alex and his friend were sitting on the couch playing video games as I walked in the door. His friend saw me first and nudged Alex. He saw me standing at the door and a huge grin passed across his face. God, I'm going to miss that. He paused his game and made his way over to me. He gave me a side kiss before leaning back.

"Are you okay? You smell like vomit." I turned to him looking confused.

"Oh, um yeah I had a bad stomach ache and thought that if I threw up it would help. It did at least. I'll go clean up okay, babe." He smiled and gave me another quick peck on the cheek. I gave him a weak smile and headed upstairs to my bedroom. Once I got up there I carefully lifted up my mattress to steal the knife. I sharpened it too before heading to the bathroom. I also made sure to put on fresh lipstick to kiss Alex's mirror. I went over to his room and left a big red kiss in the top left corner of his bedroom mirror. I took one last glance at the room. This was the first time we hanged out, the first friendship, the first time we did it. I was really going to miss his little ass. I finally made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me.