Sunny and Alex

Family

The Gardner family includes Alex, his little brother Marcus, baby sister Rayanna, and his father Max and mother Carol. They are the picture perfect family. They aren't rich and they aren't poor either. They always have food in the cabinets and fridge, clean linen, vacuumed floors, no dust covering pictures, and even a staircase covered in family photos. Their grass is always cut, flowers are placed in perfect order, and trimmed hedges. Everything is perfect about them. I wasn't even close to them. I don't think I have ever been treated this well by someone I cared about. Alex and I have been kind of distant once I got here to his house. After about three days I finally opened up to him. Since then we have officially started dating. I still get uncomfortable around him when he touches me because of what my dad used to do. When Alex touches me like my father used to I get really tense. He then notices it and changes what he is doing. I feel bad for Alex because he has to change so much about himself to make me feel okay. He understands though why I do what I do after he talks with his parents. His parents are also very understanding to the whole situation. I don't know if Alex has told them about what my father did to me or about what had really happened to him. All I know is that he told them he was bad for me. His mother is extra careful around me once she saw all the pictures of my mother on my bedside table. She must have asked Alex about my mother after she saw those pictures. Max is okay around me, but he makes sure not to touch me without me knowing. Like a couple days after I had arrived, he tried to pick a piece of loose fabric off my back. I didn't know that and elbowed him right in the nose. I instantly apologized and said I don't usually do that kind of stuff to people like him. He said it was fine and said he understood why I did it. I felt so bad about that I spent three days locked up in my room. I also find myself trying to recreate my home life in my new place. I lay out blankets on the floor every night from off my bed. Just like I did when I lived with my father: he was always unpredictable when it came to his needs. Then when I would wake up the blankets would be covering my body. Alex must have put them on me because he is the only one I would trust to actually walk into my room before. Now that I have been here for a week and a half I have stopped doing things like that. I do still bring home cafeteria food in my pockets to eat for my dinner when my father wasn't home. Carol has told me more that once that we have food and that I would be fed every night. I do trust her, but I can't seem to believe that. It's been so long since I had people care about me. My mother did care about me, she really did, but she didn't do enough to help me.

I haven't heard from my father since I left two weeks ago. He hasn't tried to contact me or even try to get ahold of the school to ask where I was. I don't want it to seem like I miss him and all the shit he had done, but I do miss him. Yes, he was an ass and did terrible things to me, but he is my father. Sometimes I wonder if he actually meant to do what he did. Maybe he just needed someone after my mother died. There isn't any explanation to anything he didn't come out with a reason. Even if he does have a reason it will never be good enough. I don't know if I should even turn him in for what he has done. Some would say "Bitch come on he was stupid little ass, turn him in" others would agree with me. I don't know if I could ever stand up in front of a judge or the police and tell them about the last three years of my life. Or even before like when I was little and he would slap me with his belt. I feel so trapped and alone through all of this. I know Alex and his family are here for me, but I'm not sure if they can even help. I have finally decided to tell Alex and his family the truth about me. Why I was at their house, why I was in the hospital, for the way I acted, for every single thing. I needed to tell them to make it better. So they can let me stay longer and understand why I couldn't function right. This is the first time in my life that I am truly happy and I want to tell the people I love what has been going on. I believe Alex and his parents will let me stay and help me. They aren't the kind of people to just let you down. I know I can trust them with this information this very important information. So I wrote a letter about everything I would say to them. So I wouldn't forget any detail; like I could anyway. I didn't want to start telling them and then not being able to finish. So if need be I could give them the letter for them to read. It had my whole life written on one small piece of scratch paper. And you would think I would at least have two or even three pages, but no only one.