Shattered || Narry

{32}

Niall

Harry was still asleep when I had woken up. He had his arms wrapped around me securely and if I'd move, he'd pull me closer to his body and whine, thinking that I was trying to leave again.

I'm not making that mistake again. I don't want to leave Harry again. I saw what leaving him did. I caused him so much pain. Not just heartbreak, but his cracks came back worse. That made me feel like shit. He's in pain because of me and I hate that. We couldn't even kiss without him wincing in pain. Looking up at him, I wanted to touch and trace the cracks like I once had, but I knew I couldn't. It would hurt him and I just can't put him through anymore pain.

I thought back to yesterday when Liam had brought me back here for Harry. The second I stepped inside, I ran up the stairs and headed for Harry's room only to be met with disappointment when I didn't see him there. So that's when Liam and I began to search because we knew he had to of been somewhere on the property. Outside by the pool was the last place we looked. I don't know what told me or made me look up, but I was glad I did because I had seen him. I had seen Harry with his legs out the window and all I could think to myself was "he's going to kill himself". And I didn't want to let that happen. I couldn't be without Harry just as much as he couldn't be without me.

I don't know what I'd be doing right now if I hadn't found Harry at the time I did. Or if Liam and I had decided to check out the backyard a minute or two late and came upon a crumpled Harry face down on the concrete.

Oh god, just thinking about Harry dying fucking ruins me.

I let out a shaky sigh and wiped my eyes of the tears that I didn't realize were falling. If I had found Harry lifeless instead of where I did, I would have gone mad. I would have blamed myself for it all. Hell, I'm sure Liam would blame me too. He'd have every right to honestly. If my stupid ass didn't leave, we wouldn't be in this mess. Harry's face would be clear of cracks and he wouldn't be in pain. But no. My stupid insecurities and everything else that's fucked up with me got in the damn way.

I knew I shouldn't have believed Miss Swift's words and I should have believed Harry. I should've known that Harry wouldn't hurt me that way especially after all he's done. He's kept me safe; why did I have to go and screw it all up?

"I'm so sorry, Harry," I whispered. "I'm so so sorry I did this to you."

I reached up to touch his face but then pulled back my hand when I remembered what it would do.

"I wish saying I love you over and over again would work to get rid of all the cracks. I don't want you to be in pain anymore," I continued in a whisper.

I sighed heavily as Harry continued to sleep. There wasn't much I could do. If I tried to get up, he'd pull me back. But what if I had to pee? Like really bad?

So I rubbed at his chest until I saw his eyes slowly open.

"Hi, Harry," I said softly.

I saw him smile a little only to wince soon after.

"It's okay, baby. I know you're glad I'm here. I don't plan on ever leaving again. But, I need to pee..."

"You'll come back, right? I don't wanna get out of bed just yet."

I nodded and I kissed his nose as he released me from his arms. Sliding out of bed, I looked back at him. He was just staring at me with those big green eyes that showed me so much love in the time that I've known him.