Boys Under Review [OPEN]

{One of the pack series} werewolf wishes (book 1)

Critique Status: Random pick.

This is a random book I picked to critique. I didn't even read the back until I finished. Wanted to be as non-bias as possible. Going in blind as the saying goes.

Book: {One of the pack series} werewolf wishes (book 1)

User: @TheMostGayGayAround

Genre: General Fiction

Parts: 16 parts

Reads: 39.3k

Votes: 1.37k

Summary:
Jake lives happily with his parents and has a best friend named Noah. They're part of the same pack and that was why they could stay friends. Soon they would find they're mates. Who will they be. Male or female? Read on!

Critique:

So this is how this will work. I will talk about all the things that need work, then the things that I liked about the book. That's how constructive criticism works people.

The first thing to notice about a book is it's cover. I didn't pay much attention to it until after I read. The cover just doesn't fit the story. Jake and Noah sound younger than the book cover image. Other than that I don't really have to much of a problem because a book cover is something the author has a vision for and who am I to say what it needs. Book covers are a preference not matter-of-factly a certain way. As long as it is clean and neat no one can say anything that isn't backed by personal preferences.

The title seems a little cluttered. Try putting just the name of the book and the second hand information in the description. Now this is more of a opinion but I think people prefer clean titles.

The summary. There is some grammatical errors and punctuation errors. Before you do any of that you might just want to salvage the whole thing. To me the summary was boring. Sure the people who like werewolf stories might read despite that, but if you want to attract new readers your going to have to try a little harder. It sounds like every gay werewolf story ever. You're going to have to try a little something other than 'they are probably going to be mates,' to entice readers. It's a little blatantly obvious. Try alluding to something other werewolf books don't have. It will make your book stand out amongst the rest. I also probably wouldn't put the 'read on' at the end either. It sounds like your telling them what to do and most people don't like that.

Pacing. This probably bugged me the most. It was like you put the story on times two fast forward and forgot to take it off. Everything went so fast and you didn't slow down to explain anything. We'll talk about what kind of things you need details on later. Try taking your time instead of rushing.

First person. The art of looking through someone else's eyes. Before I even start to read I can see that the point of view switches. Try avoiding putting them so close together, or even in the same chapter if you can help it. Unless it is absolutely necessary to include it for the sake of plot, or character development, don't add it. Again this is chapter one switching so early can confuse readers. We need to have a good grasp on at least one of your characters before you start going willy nilly on us.
Dialogue. The very first patch of dialogue is frustrating to read. First it needs to be separated properly. It was to squished together. Next tagging the dialogue. The people talking other than the main character were not properly addresses. I had no clue who was talking or who they were talking to.

Caplocks. There is no need. Describe how the character is saying, or in this case, yelling it. Caplocks is lazy, and to me unprofessional. Try bolding if you want it to stick out. It feels like your yelling at everybody when you use caplocks.

So this is where I'm nearing the end of the first chapter. It seems once again that the theme of the story is revolves around being gay and confused because we all know that that's what all gay stories are about, their sexuality. What's actual story plot that doesn't center around the main character/s being gay? Apparently the main character can only worry about being gay and how gay he is as opposed to being concerned with other trivial matters such as actual plot that doesn't involve sex or his own sexual preferences. We obviously didn't get the hint after the fiftieth time it was mentioned in the first chapter. For those of you who didn't get it I was using satire. For those of you who are to young to understand that, it was a joke. Well, some of it was true but I might have over exaggerated the point.