i unfold the envelope and open the paper. my eyes graze some spots of the paper stained with tears before i start reading the forced, rough-written words, a sick knot forming in my stomach.
dear elliot,
odd that i'm writing to you, but this had to be done one way or the other. by the time you get to read this letter, i will be long gone and forgotten, but hopefully, finally, at peace. this is just a reminder. i wasn't thinking of scribbling anything down to you. i didn't want to cause more pain than i already have. this is a reminder that you, above all, meant something to me. and you always will. i know you probably don't believe me. but believe me, elliot, you truly do. you meant everything and you still do. more than anything else in the world. you always will be my stupid, beautiful, masochist elliot.
the boy that never left my side even in my worst of states, the boy that would let me cry on his shoulder, and toss all around his bed. the boy that helped me sneak up to the roof at midnight, and play with the strands of his hair in the morning. the boy that did the last thing a boy would ever be able to do. fall in love with me. or so i believe you did. because you made it clear that day in the park when you whispered the words in my ear.
please don't do anything you will regret. i know you, elliot, please, just don't. stay with your mother and sister and sarah. and see my mother. perhaps she will finally have a piece of me every time she's with you.
you know, as i'm writing this, i'm scrapping and feeding off the memories of you. every single one of them. and i'm collecting them and hiding them deep inside my heart--never to forget them. because you were the only thing that made me feel real. that made something burst with feelings inside this numb body. feelings i would never be able to describe. feelings, that unbelievable so, you gave me.
you're probably wondering why i did this to myself. but that's something i will never reveal, because deep inside, you already know why. you knew me better than anybody else.
and as hard and horrible as this may sound, move on, elliot. nothing pains me more than when i see you in pain. you don't deserve it. you don't deserve any pain. you deserve happiness. you deserve to explore the world and fall in love. and i can promise you that by the time you read this, i won't be in pain. not anymore. i will be in a better place, thinking of you. always of you.
my elliot...
yours truly,
- autumn.
a/n: this is not the end. but yes, this is the letter that autumn wrote to elliot. there's only one chapter left btw. *cries*
YOU ARE READING
dear autumn,
Fiksi Remajaa girl long dead and gone. a boy not accepting the fact that she's gone, and so he writes her little bits and pieces of what he's going through without her. [lowercase intended]
