six/sixteen

3. that really fucking sucks

Ella's party was obnoxiously big, as usual. I hated socializing with her pretentious friends, and Jenna was never invited.

So, as always, I grabbed a cheese platter and a bottle of wine and escaped to the roof.

It was serene up there. Not a star in the sky, and still, I felt like I was floating. The whir of the generator whipped through the air, and the sound of traffic on the street below floated up to my ears.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I liked being alone most days, which is why I hated living with obnoxious roommates.

The roof was a place I liked to be alone- to think- about my past, about school, about what I was going to do after graduation. I liked to think about my family, whom I rarely saw, and how much I missed them.

I twirled my ruby ring around my finger and then twirled it back into place.

I heard the heavy door swing open, and I wanted to hide. There wasn't enough time. Whoever was coming to find me had already made it up here.

The door shut loudly, and my heart sank into my stomach. Why was someone trying to ruin my alone time?

But then a friendly face popped around the corner, and my breathing steadied.

"Kira," Cole said with a smile, "I've been looking for you."

I smiled back at him and patted the space next to me on the ground.

"Have a seat. I'm just...hanging out," I said awkwardly.

God, why was I so awkward?

Cole slid down the wall and sat next to me, closer than I had expected, and took a swig out of my wine bottle.

"What's good up here?" He asked me.

I shrugged and looked up at the black sky.

"I don't know. It's just nicer," I said.

Cole nodded and looked up as well, "Yeah, it is."

I took the silence as an opportunity to look over at him. His eyes were shut, head tilted backward against the wall. Small freckles decorated his face, along with a few scars on his forehead and chin. He truly was beautiful, and his presence was soothing.

I looked away and sighed, causing Cole to open his eyes and look over at me.

I felt his eyes on me this time, studying me the way I'd studied him, and my heart began to beat faster. I wanted him to look at me, but I wanted to look back at him. I wanted to stare into his eyes and discover his darkest secrets. I wanted to know everything about him.

After what felt like forever, Cole looked away, and I could breathe again.

"Did you know about Ella and Trent? I just saw them making out," he said casually.

My breath hitched in my throat, and I coughed nervously. I began to feel nauseous again.

"Ye-yeah," I rambled, fumbling for the right thing to say, "I knew."

Cole looked over at me again, and I tried to avoid his eyes.

"Shit, is something wrong?" He asked, "I didn't mean to upset you."

He could tell I was upset. I didn't even know I was upset, but now that he mentioned it, I was. I wasn't supposed to let myself get upset about Trent anymore. I wasn't supposed to let myself think about him at all.

But sometimes, late at night, I would lie awake thinking about what could've been. I'd think about how his arms felt around me and how we fit when we slept. I'd think about how his lips felt on mine, and the way his thumb brushed the hair out of my face. I'd think about all the time we spent together, and how the worst pain in the world was being away from him. And I'd think about how he broke my heart, how he chose Ella over me, and how I hated him more than anything.